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Thursday, February 28, 2013
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Monday, February 25, 2013
396-397 deadtime
and experts hired by the networks weren't ruling out the possosbility that someone would stumble across the girls's bones .oden's next stop after leaving kingman , arizona , with jaana's baby was calirniea . his neighbors in fontana . outsidee of LA , said he was a single father ewhen he arrived in town with his infant son ,
he was an insurance agebt . a good hands guy . a devoted father .
he'd married a woman from mexioco a couple of years after mo0ving to town .
everyone who knew oden in fontana was surprised that he had ended faeedown on that two lane desert road in the mojave .
everyone who knew him in was surprised that he had ended p on the eveing news .
the neighbors are always surprised .
except ewhen they knew it all along ,
lisa lost the baby , my baby , our baby , the dehydration she'd suffered in the dwesert in the trink of the car was too much for my fragile fetus .
but lisa survived ,
eric and i reached out to her every way we could , but she wouldn't speak to us . neither would stevie , eric prays about it a lot .
i wish lisa well .
eric and i cancelled our big fall wedding in the renovated ballroon at the plaza .
we toom that wek off from work , flew to molokai . and were married in a a traditional hawaiian ceremony overlooking the vastness of the pacific , our witness were eric 's god , three molokai natives , and the tropical sky .
we repeated our vows two weeks later in front of a dozen people at eric's church .
i didn't invite alan , i didn't invite my shrink . and i didn't invite the bitch
we had some frozen embrosleft .
we were close to deciding whether to adopt or to find another surrogate .
to me . each option felt fraugh with peril .
eric was more sanguine . he was praying on it . i was cool with that .
no matter what we deided , i was one hundred percent sure i was ready to be a miom.
he was an insurance agebt . a good hands guy . a devoted father .
he'd married a woman from mexioco a couple of years after mo0ving to town .
everyone who knew oden in fontana was surprised that he had ended faeedown on that two lane desert road in the mojave .
everyone who knew him in was surprised that he had ended p on the eveing news .
the neighbors are always surprised .
except ewhen they knew it all along ,
lisa lost the baby , my baby , our baby , the dehydration she'd suffered in the dwesert in the trink of the car was too much for my fragile fetus .
but lisa survived ,
eric and i reached out to her every way we could , but she wouldn't speak to us . neither would stevie , eric prays about it a lot .
i wish lisa well .
eric and i cancelled our big fall wedding in the renovated ballroon at the plaza .
we toom that wek off from work , flew to molokai . and were married in a a traditional hawaiian ceremony overlooking the vastness of the pacific , our witness were eric 's god , three molokai natives , and the tropical sky .
we repeated our vows two weeks later in front of a dozen people at eric's church .
i didn't invite alan , i didn't invite my shrink . and i didn't invite the bitch
we had some frozen embrosleft .
we were close to deciding whether to adopt or to find another surrogate .
to me . each option felt fraugh with peril .
eric was more sanguine . he was praying on it . i was cool with that .
no matter what we deided , i was one hundred percent sure i was ready to be a miom.
395 deadtime
. the exhaustive coverage meant notoriet for my new husband . notoriety , as he suspected it would be , was toxic for him .
all the attention meant noyoriety for my ex-husband , too . alan refused to coooperate with the miadia . he gave interviews to no one .
i didn't ask . he would have turned me down too .
i knew from expreruience that alan was a tough get .
linco;ln oden hd copverage his tracks well . despite an army of investigators , the details about his crimes developed slowly . it took a few weeks for the authoritis and the miadia to sketch out a timeline of what oden had done .
some things became clear before others . the son oden had been raiosing as his own in fact the child of jaana peet and nicholas paulson , social service took custody of the boy days after oden's death .paulson 's attorneys in las vehgas had weighed in since , as had jaana peet's family in estonia . the ultimate determination of the boy's future promised to look something like the scrums that follow a hundred - dollar bill dropped into a crowd .
a solitary neigbor identified oden and jaana as the couple who had been living together on an isolated ranch outsode kingman , arizona , during the final months of her pregnance.the landlord confirmed he'd rented the place tpo oden , but he knew nothing about any woman who lived there . oden had terminated his month to month lease just around the time the child was born .
jaana peet had not been since te move , jaana's friend from estonioa - blackjack dealer from laughlin - walked away from her seemngly settle life the same weeks that that oden moved from the kingman home .
based on what alan had heard from oden's lips , thepolicesuspected that years earlier oden had drived the two young women- jaana and her friend - to some desert wasteland in arizona or california . oden had killed the woman and left their bodies for the scavengers and buzzards . the dry desert climate is kind to skettonss,
all the attention meant noyoriety for my ex-husband , too . alan refused to coooperate with the miadia . he gave interviews to no one .
i didn't ask . he would have turned me down too .
i knew from expreruience that alan was a tough get .
linco;ln oden hd copverage his tracks well . despite an army of investigators , the details about his crimes developed slowly . it took a few weeks for the authoritis and the miadia to sketch out a timeline of what oden had done .
some things became clear before others . the son oden had been raiosing as his own in fact the child of jaana peet and nicholas paulson , social service took custody of the boy days after oden's death .paulson 's attorneys in las vehgas had weighed in since , as had jaana peet's family in estonia . the ultimate determination of the boy's future promised to look something like the scrums that follow a hundred - dollar bill dropped into a crowd .
a solitary neigbor identified oden and jaana as the couple who had been living together on an isolated ranch outsode kingman , arizona , during the final months of her pregnance.the landlord confirmed he'd rented the place tpo oden , but he knew nothing about any woman who lived there . oden had terminated his month to month lease just around the time the child was born .
jaana peet had not been since te move , jaana's friend from estonioa - blackjack dealer from laughlin - walked away from her seemngly settle life the same weeks that that oden moved from the kingman home .
based on what alan had heard from oden's lips , thepolicesuspected that years earlier oden had drived the two young women- jaana and her friend - to some desert wasteland in arizona or california . oden had killed the woman and left their bodies for the scavengers and buzzards . the dry desert climate is kind to skettonss,
Sunday, February 24, 2013
394 deadtime
. sixty seven
---------------------------------------------------------
epilogue
his ex .
eric didn't get that jjob he copveted . the next election cycle would somehow go on wthout his guidancwe . he returned to comlumbia to teach.
it turned out i liked having him around more often. i was so relieved .
after the rescue in the mojave , the grand canyon episode finally became news . a true life tale of guns blazing in the desert sun proved titillating enough to give my colleagues in the miadia , especially those on cable , a reason to discover they actually did care about what hd happened to jaana pet . before the first week was out , the events in the mojave were being hyped in a promo titlke " hiogh noon in death valley ." every newsmagazine but mine did a long segment on some aspect of the story .
truth , of corse , got transplanted along with the seguaro cacti the graphics departments felt compelled to included in the art . joshua trees just didn't cut it . the confrontation hadn't been quite at noon , and it hadn't been quite in death valley . but the details were close enough to the truth for today 's fourth estate .i'm not pointing fingers . if i had produced a story on the shootout , i wopuld have commited some = hopefully more imaginative - version of the same sins .
---------------------------------------------------------
epilogue
his ex .
eric didn't get that jjob he copveted . the next election cycle would somehow go on wthout his guidancwe . he returned to comlumbia to teach.
it turned out i liked having him around more often. i was so relieved .
after the rescue in the mojave , the grand canyon episode finally became news . a true life tale of guns blazing in the desert sun proved titillating enough to give my colleagues in the miadia , especially those on cable , a reason to discover they actually did care about what hd happened to jaana pet . before the first week was out , the events in the mojave were being hyped in a promo titlke " hiogh noon in death valley ." every newsmagazine but mine did a long segment on some aspect of the story .
truth , of corse , got transplanted along with the seguaro cacti the graphics departments felt compelled to included in the art . joshua trees just didn't cut it . the confrontation hadn't been quite at noon , and it hadn't been quite in death valley . but the details were close enough to the truth for today 's fourth estate .i'm not pointing fingers . if i had produced a story on the shootout , i wopuld have commited some = hopefully more imaginative - version of the same sins .
393 deadtime
conversationally , it was my move . i took a stab at guessing sam's feeling about the current cleavage , i said ," congratulations . sam you're goin to be a daaddy again ."
his voice brighhtened . he said ." rthank you ."
"you and carmen ? yu're ...."
"we 're goping to work at it , yead , we're working at it ." he paused " how about you ? how're yy doing ?"
"good ," i said ." it's good to be home .
his voice brighhtened . he said ." rthank you ."
"you and carmen ? yu're ...."
"we 're goping to work at it , yead , we're working at it ." he paused " how about you ? how're yy doing ?"
"good ," i said ." it's good to be home .
393 deadtime
conversationally , it was my move . i took a stab at guessing sam's feeling about the current cleavage , i said ," congratulations . sam you're goin to be a daaddy again ."
his voice brighhtened . he said ." rthank you ."
"you and carmen ? yu're ...."
"we 're goping to work at it , yead , we're working at it ." he paused " how about you ? how're yy doing ?"
"good ," i said ." it's good to be home .
sam's question hadn't been merely polite . my reply hadn't been merely banal .
despite the cyclones spinning on my flanks , i'd meant what i said . i was doing good . it was great to be home .\i was wondering where to start with sam , lauren 's illness ? jonas's meltdown ? amy number two ? joost ?
for some insane reason i felt confident i coul;d deal with all of those .
i started elsewhere . i said ," i have a new kid too , sam , a teenage stepdaughter . in holland . her name is sofie ."
he laughed ." hot damn ," he said ," there you go /"
his voice brighhtened . he said ." rthank you ."
"you and carmen ? yu're ...."
"we 're goping to work at it , yead , we're working at it ." he paused " how about you ? how're yy doing ?"
"good ," i said ." it's good to be home .
sam's question hadn't been merely polite . my reply hadn't been merely banal .
despite the cyclones spinning on my flanks , i'd meant what i said . i was doing good . it was great to be home .\i was wondering where to start with sam , lauren 's illness ? jonas's meltdown ? amy number two ? joost ?
for some insane reason i felt confident i coul;d deal with all of those .
i started elsewhere . i said ," i have a new kid too , sam , a teenage stepdaughter . in holland . her name is sofie ."
he laughed ." hot damn ," he said ," there you go /"
392 deadtime
. his " hey " soothed me .
"you back in town ?" i asked .
"not exactly ," he said .
i heard something burried in his words . " that detour ?" i asked
" you coul;d say that ."
"too bad , i was hoping i could buy you a beer at the west end . i have a lot to trell you ." i said .
:won't be happpening ,i'm staying in caklifornia for now....."
he paused . i sasaid ." yeah ?" yearning for more .he didn't respond right away . i added ."the grand canyon thing ? something new ?"
"no . that's all done ." he have me a concise update about lisa and the baby , oden and k]=jaana , the dead girlfriend from estonia kanyn .
i asked a coulple of questions .. he answered them .
two seconds of silence . then he said ." carmen's pregnant ."
"what ?"
in a tone as flat as a groomed run below aqn overcast sky , he said , "you heard me ."
his admonition was spot -on my question had been reflecxive .
he inhaled and exhaled . i did the arithmetic . yes , it was possible .
"are you -" i said ."is it -"
"it 's my baby ."
more cleavage . i thought of my molecular biology teacher in college . the other kind ."cleavage is division ," she'd said durig that first lecture ." a split from one into two ."
from a couple to two singles .
from parent/child together , to father daughter apart .
from an ancient grand mesa , to two plateaus separated by a canyon .
from a zygote to a blasyocyst .
sam had said that separation wasn't always about cataclysm that sometimes it was about erosin .
it isn't always ending , either . i thought . sometimes it's abput evolving . other times , it's about begining .
"you back in town ?" i asked .
"not exactly ," he said .
i heard something burried in his words . " that detour ?" i asked
" you coul;d say that ."
"too bad , i was hoping i could buy you a beer at the west end . i have a lot to trell you ." i said .
:won't be happpening ,i'm staying in caklifornia for now....."
he paused . i sasaid ." yeah ?" yearning for more .he didn't respond right away . i added ."the grand canyon thing ? something new ?"
"no . that's all done ." he have me a concise update about lisa and the baby , oden and k]=jaana , the dead girlfriend from estonia kanyn .
i asked a coulple of questions .. he answered them .
two seconds of silence . then he said ." carmen's pregnant ."
"what ?"
in a tone as flat as a groomed run below aqn overcast sky , he said , "you heard me ."
his admonition was spot -on my question had been reflecxive .
he inhaled and exhaled . i did the arithmetic . yes , it was possible .
"are you -" i said ."is it -"
"it 's my baby ."
more cleavage . i thought of my molecular biology teacher in college . the other kind ."cleavage is division ," she'd said durig that first lecture ." a split from one into two ."
from a couple to two singles .
from parent/child together , to father daughter apart .
from an ancient grand mesa , to two plateaus separated by a canyon .
from a zygote to a blasyocyst .
sam had said that separation wasn't always about cataclysm that sometimes it was about erosin .
it isn't always ending , either . i thought . sometimes it's abput evolving . other times , it's about begining .
390 deadtime
. i had already been pondering and re--pondering how much difference there was - - really bettween what i had done with ottavia and amy and what lauren had done with joost ..
did it matter that i didn't sleep with either the alluring ottavia or the beguiling amy ? did it matter whether lauren lauren did sleep with joost ?"
she hadn't said what happened with him before the exaccerbation felled her . i hadn't asked ,one mkoment , i thought it make all the difference in the worldthe next moment , i thought it made no difference at all .
if someone posted clips of the events on youtube , i could ask merideth to get tech guy to clean up the video and enhance the audio so we could all have a clearer version of the past .
a versiion that contained omer hints about our future .
maybe that would help .
or maybe not .
i was feeling hopeful , either way .
did it matter that i didn't sleep with either the alluring ottavia or the beguiling amy ? did it matter whether lauren lauren did sleep with joost ?"
she hadn't said what happened with him before the exaccerbation felled her . i hadn't asked ,one mkoment , i thought it make all the difference in the worldthe next moment , i thought it made no difference at all .
if someone posted clips of the events on youtube , i could ask merideth to get tech guy to clean up the video and enhance the audio so we could all have a clearer version of the past .
a versiion that contained omer hints about our future .
maybe that would help .
or maybe not .
i was feeling hopeful , either way .
391 deadtime
sixty six
. once she was settled into her room at community hospital - her bed had a view of a coener of north boulder park and of of one of the curious hogbacks that form the forst vault of the foothills of the erockies - i told lauren aboiut LA .
tarzana , the mojave . the camry , the ambulance , the helicopter , the concussion .
i left out little . but i left oput some .
it was tyhe forst time . i'd told me the story in a single siotting .
it exhausted me .
her too .
lauren and i had talked about her , and about me , and about the kids - all three of the kids . the time had come to talk about us .
she started ." what now , adlnce ?' he asked .
i didn't know .
after only a few seconds of silence lauren said something aboutr letting the dust settle . i agreed that was probably wise .
i left her flat her back in her hospital bed , i headed home to be with grace and jonas andd thr dogs .
the cab fdriver took valmont east . i would 've tqaken broadway south and then pick up south boulder road . i thought of chloe .wondered what route she would have chose . it didn't matter . we would all end up in the same place.
sam called as the cab veered onto foothills .
. once she was settled into her room at community hospital - her bed had a view of a coener of north boulder park and of of one of the curious hogbacks that form the forst vault of the foothills of the erockies - i told lauren aboiut LA .
tarzana , the mojave . the camry , the ambulance , the helicopter , the concussion .
i left out little . but i left oput some .
it was tyhe forst time . i'd told me the story in a single siotting .
it exhausted me .
her too .
lauren and i had talked about her , and about me , and about the kids - all three of the kids . the time had come to talk about us .
she started ." what now , adlnce ?' he asked .
i didn't know .
after only a few seconds of silence lauren said something aboutr letting the dust settle . i agreed that was probably wise .
i left her flat her back in her hospital bed , i headed home to be with grace and jonas andd thr dogs .
the cab fdriver took valmont east . i would 've tqaken broadway south and then pick up south boulder road . i thought of chloe .wondered what route she would have chose . it didn't matter . we would all end up in the same place.
sam called as the cab veered onto foothills .
389 deadtime
lauren's throat was dry . hr voice craked as she said ." i didn't know i woukld see joost when i was there . it was a complete wee were in holand . he wasn't part of this , i didn't reach out ...to him . i hadn't =talked to him in ....forever ."
joost wasn't the issue for me . on the phone he hadn't sounded like a man who was in love with my life . he had sounded like a decent enough guy trapped smack in the middle of one of thge most complicated one nioght stands in dutch history . i thought hre had performed thew last act of his unsavory role with surprising dignity .
"i can't wait to hear about sofie ." i said , i meant it . i had a stepdaughter .that was a reverlatioon . my daughter . my daughter hasd a half sister . i thought that was wondewrful for her , grace had gained two new siblings in less than half a year ." i hope i can meet her someday ," i saidf , squeezing lauren's hand .
lauren finally got the message . she didn't reel joost back in that time ." sofie wants to come and visit ," lauren said ." maybe in a year or two , she thought . when she's a little older , she's great , alan, aterrific kid , she speaks four languages ."
"i'd love for her to visit ," i dsaid .
"she 's taller than me already . her hair is dark ," lauren said ." she has my eyes ."
my imagination sketched a picture of her while my eyes locked on the foothills paret park and ride through the back window .
lauren said ,"i don't want you to stay with me baccause i'm sick . i couldn't stand that .
"was the staying or the going up to me ? i didn't know . i did know that i was so far from approaching that partcular intersection that i woud have to go rent a car from hertz and power up the GPS so icould ask chloe for directtions on how to locate it .
i was inj njo hurry to get there . i turned toward lauren ."i'm n ot with you because you're sick today ," i said ." i said ." i won't be with you because you're sick tomkorrow . lets talk about it later . for now , justfocus on getting .
joost wasn't the issue for me . on the phone he hadn't sounded like a man who was in love with my life . he had sounded like a decent enough guy trapped smack in the middle of one of thge most complicated one nioght stands in dutch history . i thought hre had performed thew last act of his unsavory role with surprising dignity .
"i can't wait to hear about sofie ." i said , i meant it . i had a stepdaughter .that was a reverlatioon . my daughter . my daughter hasd a half sister . i thought that was wondewrful for her , grace had gained two new siblings in less than half a year ." i hope i can meet her someday ," i saidf , squeezing lauren's hand .
lauren finally got the message . she didn't reel joost back in that time ." sofie wants to come and visit ," lauren said ." maybe in a year or two , she thought . when she's a little older , she's great , alan, aterrific kid , she speaks four languages ."
"i'd love for her to visit ," i dsaid .
"she 's taller than me already . her hair is dark ," lauren said ." she has my eyes ."
my imagination sketched a picture of her while my eyes locked on the foothills paret park and ride through the back window .
lauren said ,"i don't want you to stay with me baccause i'm sick . i couldn't stand that .
"was the staying or the going up to me ? i didn't know . i did know that i was so far from approaching that partcular intersection that i woud have to go rent a car from hertz and power up the GPS so icould ask chloe for directtions on how to locate it .
i was inj njo hurry to get there . i turned toward lauren ."i'm n ot with you because you're sick today ," i said ." i said ." i won't be with you because you're sick tomkorrow . lets talk about it later . for now , justfocus on getting .
388 deadtime
.i'd always assumed that the unspoken point of merideth's story was that i , too , would have been too timid to build the turret .
a quarter mile flew by while i tried tro find a contemporary parable there . failed .
as the ambulance neared the crest of the scenic overlook south of our spanish hills home , lauren said ," i'm sorry ."
the EMT flashed a glance at me . when she caught my eye , she looked away . i wondered what version of the truth she's heard .
i tasted lauren's words . wase she sorry? about her eaxcerrbastion ? certainly . about hurting me ? maybe . i woukld give her that one . but about what she'd done with joost ?
was i sorry about what had happened with ottavia and amy ? not really . was i in any frame of mind to make a judment about the nature of lauren's regret ?i wasn't . whatever had happened between lauren and joost in hilversum wasn't the worst thing that had happened lately , not even close .
i chose to cast away my doubts about the veracity of lauren's sorry ." i donn't think now is the time to talk about it ," i said to her , not in front of this stranger ," latter ."
"i didn't plan it this way ," she said , reeling the damn issue back in , lauren seemed inured to the presence of the EMT inches from her side . i reminded myself that she'd spent more than two days in the constant company of caretaking strangers . she had gron accustomed .
i pondered what it was she didn't plan . the getting caught part ? the getting parayzed part ? or the screwing joos6t in hilversum part ?"
i was pretty sure she had planned the getting from amsterdam to hilvrersum part .
i said nothng , assuming whatever i'd say would be thewrong thing . i cast the problem away . hoped an upslope would catch it carry it even father into the distance , perhaps all the way across.
a quarter mile flew by while i tried tro find a contemporary parable there . failed .
as the ambulance neared the crest of the scenic overlook south of our spanish hills home , lauren said ," i'm sorry ."
the EMT flashed a glance at me . when she caught my eye , she looked away . i wondered what version of the truth she's heard .
i tasted lauren's words . wase she sorry? about her eaxcerrbastion ? certainly . about hurting me ? maybe . i woukld give her that one . but about what she'd done with joost ?
was i sorry about what had happened with ottavia and amy ? not really . was i in any frame of mind to make a judment about the nature of lauren's regret ?i wasn't . whatever had happened between lauren and joost in hilversum wasn't the worst thing that had happened lately , not even close .
i chose to cast away my doubts about the veracity of lauren's sorry ." i donn't think now is the time to talk about it ," i said to her , not in front of this stranger ," latter ."
"i didn't plan it this way ," she said , reeling the damn issue back in , lauren seemed inured to the presence of the EMT inches from her side . i reminded myself that she'd spent more than two days in the constant company of caretaking strangers . she had gron accustomed .
i pondered what it was she didn't plan . the getting caught part ? the getting parayzed part ? or the screwing joos6t in hilversum part ?"
i was pretty sure she had planned the getting from amsterdam to hilvrersum part .
i said nothng , assuming whatever i'd say would be thewrong thing . i cast the problem away . hoped an upslope would catch it carry it even father into the distance , perhaps all the way across.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
387 deadtime
. "even marty could see that jonas needed to come home . he has a lot of grieving to do ."
"yes ," she said .
the EMT was young . she wore a lot of makeup . she wa busy getting everything ready for the rad .
"you must be scared ," i said to lauren .
"this is the worst yet for me ," lauren said .
i reminded myself that lauren was talking about her illness . the worst exacerbation of her MS yet .
the EMT closed the ambulance doors . i was flooded with memories of the mojave . i could feel my jawbones clench as i tried to coral my panic .
she fussed with the monitors . the ambulance started rolling .i hadn't told lauren about tarzana or the mojave .
"what does larry think ?" i asked as te ambulance turned onto wadswoerth . larry arbuthnot was lauren 's longtime neurologist .
lauren said ." he says it's too soon to tekll . we have to give the steroid a chance . he'll stop by tonight at the hospital . we'lll talk about starting tysabri .
tysabri would be high tech prophylaxi agaisnt the next exacerbation of MS . solumedrol was treatment for this exacerbation of MS . if the seroids suceeeded in reducing the inflammatiion on her spinal cord , lauren's paraparsis might wane , maybe even disappear . if it didn't ?"
holy shit ."ytou 've had one day of solumdrol so far ?" i asked
"two , twomore to go ," she said .
i held her hand . we werequiet . it was not the natural silence of a cpouple that had been married for years , comforting each other during a time of crisios . it was deadtime .
we were dropping into the boulder valley . out the baqck window of the ambulance i could see the blunt southwest corner of adrienne ooften maintained that the original architect wanted to use that spot the house for a drawmatic turret and covered porch , but that homesteaders had been too timid to build it .
"yes ," she said .
the EMT was young . she wore a lot of makeup . she wa busy getting everything ready for the rad .
"you must be scared ," i said to lauren .
"this is the worst yet for me ," lauren said .
i reminded myself that lauren was talking about her illness . the worst exacerbation of her MS yet .
the EMT closed the ambulance doors . i was flooded with memories of the mojave . i could feel my jawbones clench as i tried to coral my panic .
she fussed with the monitors . the ambulance started rolling .i hadn't told lauren about tarzana or the mojave .
"what does larry think ?" i asked as te ambulance turned onto wadswoerth . larry arbuthnot was lauren 's longtime neurologist .
lauren said ." he says it's too soon to tekll . we have to give the steroid a chance . he'll stop by tonight at the hospital . we'lll talk about starting tysabri .
tysabri would be high tech prophylaxi agaisnt the next exacerbation of MS . solumedrol was treatment for this exacerbation of MS . if the seroids suceeeded in reducing the inflammatiion on her spinal cord , lauren's paraparsis might wane , maybe even disappear . if it didn't ?"
holy shit ."ytou 've had one day of solumdrol so far ?" i asked
"two , twomore to go ," she said .
i held her hand . we werequiet . it was not the natural silence of a cpouple that had been married for years , comforting each other during a time of crisios . it was deadtime .
we were dropping into the boulder valley . out the baqck window of the ambulance i could see the blunt southwest corner of adrienne ooften maintained that the original architect wanted to use that spot the house for a drawmatic turret and covered porch , but that homesteaders had been too timid to build it .
386 deadtime
lauren's was an almost perfect plan in a world that i was growing ever certain was tilted much more toward irony than it was toward perfection .
what had sam said as we finished our beers on the roof of the west end tavern before we'd left on our trip west ? he'd said ," fate abhors planning ."
got that right , sammy .
my friend diane drove jonas and me to meet the air ambulance .
we watched the jet land . jonas got a chance to spend a few minutes with lauren . grace and i had a brief chancew to reconnect . she gave her brother a present - a T-SHIRT she'd picked out for him from a board store called TOMS sketeboardwinkel in amsterdam ." winkel " means shoop in dutch ." she explained to him with a giggle ." skateboard " means skateboard ."
he loved the shirt . he was also a mature enough kid to recognize that what grace had said about skateboards was pretty darn cute .
diane drove away from the airport with the kids strapped into the backseat of her convertible . the top was down . the kids were waving . white cumulus clouds were billowing like cartoon balloons above the rockies , highlighted agaisnt a sky the blue of blind hope . diane wou7ld take the kids back to spain hills and turn them over to mona . mona would keep an eye on them until i got home.as the fog of crisis cleared m lauren's medical condition was coming into sharper focus . she wasn't actually paralyzed . she was suffering actute bilateral paraparesis - susdden profound weakness in both her legs - as the result of a new MS lesion on her spinal cord between the second and third cervical vertebrae . the news was far from good , but it was better than the waful report i'd heard from joost holken .
i climbed into the ambulance after my wife's stretcher was secure i could smell fear seeping from her pores .
"i'm relieved to see jonas ," she said ."i was so worried , marty didn't put up a fight ?"
what had sam said as we finished our beers on the roof of the west end tavern before we'd left on our trip west ? he'd said ," fate abhors planning ."
got that right , sammy .
my friend diane drove jonas and me to meet the air ambulance .
we watched the jet land . jonas got a chance to spend a few minutes with lauren . grace and i had a brief chancew to reconnect . she gave her brother a present - a T-SHIRT she'd picked out for him from a board store called TOMS sketeboardwinkel in amsterdam ." winkel " means shoop in dutch ." she explained to him with a giggle ." skateboard " means skateboard ."
he loved the shirt . he was also a mature enough kid to recognize that what grace had said about skateboards was pretty darn cute .
diane drove away from the airport with the kids strapped into the backseat of her convertible . the top was down . the kids were waving . white cumulus clouds were billowing like cartoon balloons above the rockies , highlighted agaisnt a sky the blue of blind hope . diane wou7ld take the kids back to spain hills and turn them over to mona . mona would keep an eye on them until i got home.as the fog of crisis cleared m lauren's medical condition was coming into sharper focus . she wasn't actually paralyzed . she was suffering actute bilateral paraparesis - susdden profound weakness in both her legs - as the result of a new MS lesion on her spinal cord between the second and third cervical vertebrae . the news was far from good , but it was better than the waful report i'd heard from joost holken .
i climbed into the ambulance after my wife's stretcher was secure i could smell fear seeping from her pores .
"i'm relieved to see jonas ," she said ."i was so worried , marty didn't put up a fight ?"
385 deatime
less than twenty four hours later , lauren and grace were in an air ambulance crossing the north atlantic with a doctor and nurse at lauren ;s side . the small jet refueled on the east coast on the way to the airport in jefferson county , not far from boulder .
i went back and forth . had i had been too naive , or too trusing ?
maybe botjh ,maybe neither . i couldn't decide.
the reality was that the possibility of lauren reconnecting with her old lover during her trip to holland had never crossed my mind .
if lauren had gotten sick in amsterdam and not in hilversum .i'm mot sure i would have ever found out that she was getting together with her old boyfriend . but the fact that she was hospitalized in hilversum when she suffered the MS exacerbation told me all i needed to be convinced that her rendezvous with joost had taken some planning .
myyu girls european adventure 's original goal had come to fruitiion during those last two days in holland , lauren and grace had finlly arranged to meet lauren's daughter - grace 's half sister - sofie .
after the two families met for lunch in a restaurant , grace recieved an invitation to do a sleepover with dsofie's adoptive family in amsterdam . that was wonderful . gracie had fresh family ,she would have memories of meeting sofie that she would treasure for years .
lauren took advantage of her surprise night off from parental responsibility to do a sleepover of her own , lauren's sleepover was with grace;\'s half sister's birth father , joost holken , joost lived in hilversum .
the logistics protected grace's innocence . our daughter would be spending that night with sofie's family in amsterdam - they lived on a canal with walking distance of the van gogh museum - and in a perfect world grace would never know that her mother wasn't sleeping in their hotel room .
in that same perfect world i would never learn that lauren wasn't keeping in their hotel room , either .
i went back and forth . had i had been too naive , or too trusing ?
maybe botjh ,maybe neither . i couldn't decide.
the reality was that the possibility of lauren reconnecting with her old lover during her trip to holland had never crossed my mind .
if lauren had gotten sick in amsterdam and not in hilversum .i'm mot sure i would have ever found out that she was getting together with her old boyfriend . but the fact that she was hospitalized in hilversum when she suffered the MS exacerbation told me all i needed to be convinced that her rendezvous with joost had taken some planning .
myyu girls european adventure 's original goal had come to fruitiion during those last two days in holland , lauren and grace had finlly arranged to meet lauren's daughter - grace 's half sister - sofie .
after the two families met for lunch in a restaurant , grace recieved an invitation to do a sleepover with dsofie's adoptive family in amsterdam . that was wonderful . gracie had fresh family ,she would have memories of meeting sofie that she would treasure for years .
lauren took advantage of her surprise night off from parental responsibility to do a sleepover of her own , lauren's sleepover was with grace;\'s half sister's birth father , joost holken , joost lived in hilversum .
the logistics protected grace's innocence . our daughter would be spending that night with sofie's family in amsterdam - they lived on a canal with walking distance of the van gogh museum - and in a perfect world grace would never know that her mother wasn't sleeping in their hotel room .
in that same perfect world i would never learn that lauren wasn't keeping in their hotel room , either .
384 deadtime
and was someplace on 15 or alredy heading east on I70 .i allowed there was a chance that he'd reconsidered his earlier decision nd sttrayed south t redezvouswih ramona on the north rim of the grandcanyon . if thhat appetite had prevailed . sam would be comning uo I-25 a few dyas later than i expected
not up " the 25 ." up I-25 /
back in graduate school i'd had a psych professor who used axioms to teach imporant psychological principles . one that had stuck with me was : you can go broke byoig insurance .
over themany years since i'd been exposed to his wisdom , the reach of that particular rle kwept she . experience had taught me that it contained a weath f truth abot many things . even , it turned out , about insurance .
before she and grace had lefted for europe lauren had suggested that we buy a travel policy that would pay to fly her or grae home by air ambulance if either of them got sick in the netherlands . the cost of the plan was a few hundred bucks .
i'd scoffed , reciting my professor's dictum about going broke buying insurance . she 'd insisted that the coverage would give her peace of mnd .i'd relented of course - not because i thoght we'd ever use the insurance , but because i felt that a few hundred dollars was a reasonable price for lauren 's peace of mind.
my professor would have laughed at our gullibility . he's once told the class thatit was vbecause of gullible people - like me and lauren - that he kept a good chunk of his retirement pln assets invested in insurance companies .
i bought the cverage and paid the premium .in eturn the cpmpany promised to fly my girls home on an air ambulance if either of them became ill enough to be admitted to a hosptal while they were away . a couple of hndred bucks for many tens of thousands of dollars of coverage .
the compny kept its promise . i made a solitary phone call toguest process started .
not up " the 25 ." up I-25 /
back in graduate school i'd had a psych professor who used axioms to teach imporant psychological principles . one that had stuck with me was : you can go broke byoig insurance .
over themany years since i'd been exposed to his wisdom , the reach of that particular rle kwept she . experience had taught me that it contained a weath f truth abot many things . even , it turned out , about insurance .
before she and grace had lefted for europe lauren had suggested that we buy a travel policy that would pay to fly her or grae home by air ambulance if either of them got sick in the netherlands . the cost of the plan was a few hundred bucks .
i'd scoffed , reciting my professor's dictum about going broke buying insurance . she 'd insisted that the coverage would give her peace of mnd .i'd relented of course - not because i thoght we'd ever use the insurance , but because i felt that a few hundred dollars was a reasonable price for lauren 's peace of mind.
my professor would have laughed at our gullibility . he's once told the class thatit was vbecause of gullible people - like me and lauren - that he kept a good chunk of his retirement pln assets invested in insurance companies .
i bought the cverage and paid the premium .in eturn the cpmpany promised to fly my girls home on an air ambulance if either of them became ill enough to be admitted to a hosptal while they were away . a couple of hndred bucks for many tens of thousands of dollars of coverage .
the compny kept its promise . i made a solitary phone call toguest process started .
383 deadtime
sixty five
jonas and i were back in boulder bu=y dinnertime . i was suffering a bad case f airplane seat ass . i'd get over it .
i did something i'd been puting off . i called wallace . he wasn't home . casanda answered . i said ." this is alan ."
without prelude ,she said ,"i have to tell wallace , don't i ?"
\she wanted me to disagree withher . isaid ." or mel coud tell wallace ."
"she's a wreck . the girl broke up withh her . jules . she told cara she needes to do some growing up ."
"maybe ," i said ," she does ."
cassandra pondered that simple reality for a moment ." there are worse things ," she said .
"a million ," i replied . i was tempted to offer a few examples . i didn't . casandra neither thanked me nor aplogized to me .
ihadn't decided if i deserved either ,.
i called sam just to talk . he was , i guessed , on some desert road north or south , hghway or not - in the immense emptiness that fillsmost of he map between california and bulder . i got his voice mail . i let himknow i was back in town with jons .i didn't tell him about lauren . that wasn't voice mail fare . i gave him jjnas's cell munber and asked him tocall me as soon as he got a chance .
my working hypothwesis was that sam had retrced his route through las vegas - maybe he'd stopped fr a while and resumed . his search for a fve buck backjack table -
jonas and i were back in boulder bu=y dinnertime . i was suffering a bad case f airplane seat ass . i'd get over it .
i did something i'd been puting off . i called wallace . he wasn't home . casanda answered . i said ." this is alan ."
without prelude ,she said ,"i have to tell wallace , don't i ?"
\she wanted me to disagree withher . isaid ." or mel coud tell wallace ."
"she's a wreck . the girl broke up withh her . jules . she told cara she needes to do some growing up ."
"maybe ," i said ," she does ."
cassandra pondered that simple reality for a moment ." there are worse things ," she said .
"a million ," i replied . i was tempted to offer a few examples . i didn't . casandra neither thanked me nor aplogized to me .
ihadn't decided if i deserved either ,.
i called sam just to talk . he was , i guessed , on some desert road north or south , hghway or not - in the immense emptiness that fillsmost of he map between california and bulder . i got his voice mail . i let himknow i was back in town with jons .i didn't tell him about lauren . that wasn't voice mail fare . i gave him jjnas's cell munber and asked him tocall me as soon as he got a chance .
my working hypothwesis was that sam had retrced his route through las vegas - maybe he'd stopped fr a while and resumed . his search for a fve buck backjack table -
382 deadtime
i wanted to be an optimist , but believeing the rockies could winout sounded borderline psychotic to me ."no ," i said ." have they even won five in a row since the break ? you think it will be the mets in the east ?"
the mets would be a good consolation prize for jonas .
"gotta be .no way they can lose this led ," jonas said . we steeped into line for pretezl . he added ,:yankees will fold . mets -soxworld series , mets n six , that's what i think . can i get a cke , too ?please ."
"it's yours ," i said ."you know what - ididn't tell you what your dog can do toa piece of paper, did i ?"
"no, what ?" his red eyes brightened .
"she makes confetti ," i said ." perfect confetti . times square on new year's eve confetti . so be carefullwhere you leave your homework . she'll shred it in seconds . she's a machine."
he laughed .
it gave me hope .
the rockies winning out ? ha, nochance .
it ws ay with me . i already had my great news - a son who liked to talk baseball .
the mets would be a good consolation prize for jonas .
"gotta be .no way they can lose this led ," jonas said . we steeped into line for pretezl . he added ,:yankees will fold . mets -soxworld series , mets n six , that's what i think . can i get a cke , too ?please ."
"it's yours ," i said ."you know what - ididn't tell you what your dog can do toa piece of paper, did i ?"
"no, what ?" his red eyes brightened .
"she makes confetti ," i said ." perfect confetti . times square on new year's eve confetti . so be carefullwhere you leave your homework . she'll shred it in seconds . she's a machine."
he laughed .
it gave me hope .
the rockies winning out ? ha, nochance .
it ws ay with me . i already had my great news - a son who liked to talk baseball .
381 deadtime
. his frustration threatened to engulf him .with a hand on his shoulder i led him over to the side of narrow concourse . i sat down with my back agaisnt a wall below a bank of pay phones and pulled him into my lap .
he didn't resist . he leaned into me , resting is head agaisnt my shoulder . he shook - quaked , really - before he started to cry . once he began to sob , he continued for at least five minutes .
my own emotinal balanceremained sketchy i was logy from the concussion , and ragged from everihing else , but i felt strong enough to be jonas's dad at that moment .
beween sobs , he sid ,"i-i-i"
i sid ," i know . i miss her oo . jonas . i miss her too .i'm so sorry ."
healing is not an event , it's a process . despite the hiccups of the mojave , holken , hilversum , and lauren's paralysis , the process of healing was processing for me . iwas getting better , stronger . i could feel it.
despite his premature visit to connect with hos mother's family , the process wuld proceed for joonas . he would heal too .
when i was pretty sure jonas was done with this round of tears , i said ," want togo home , buddy ?"
"yeah ," he said .
"i think i can do that , brownie ?" i asked . i was thinking . au bon pain .
he said ," maybe a pretzel ." he had his eye on auntie anne's /
"or both ," i said ." a brownie and a pretzel . i can do that , too ."
we stood up .
grief visited , comfot food on the way , jnas turned the page back to baseball ." ou think the rckies coukld do it ?" he asked , all cynicism suddenly absent from his voice , hope's pendnulum swinging far into the realm of fantasy ."win the rest of their gamees ?maybe win the division or get the wild card ?"
he didn't resist . he leaned into me , resting is head agaisnt my shoulder . he shook - quaked , really - before he started to cry . once he began to sob , he continued for at least five minutes .
my own emotinal balanceremained sketchy i was logy from the concussion , and ragged from everihing else , but i felt strong enough to be jonas's dad at that moment .
beween sobs , he sid ,"i-i-i"
i sid ," i know . i miss her oo . jonas . i miss her too .i'm so sorry ."
healing is not an event , it's a process . despite the hiccups of the mojave , holken , hilversum , and lauren's paralysis , the process of healing was processing for me . iwas getting better , stronger . i could feel it.
despite his premature visit to connect with hos mother's family , the process wuld proceed for joonas . he would heal too .
when i was pretty sure jonas was done with this round of tears , i said ," want togo home , buddy ?"
"yeah ," he said .
"i think i can do that , brownie ?" i asked . i was thinking . au bon pain .
he said ," maybe a pretzel ." he had his eye on auntie anne's /
"or both ," i said ." a brownie and a pretzel . i can do that , too ."
we stood up .
grief visited , comfot food on the way , jnas turned the page back to baseball ." ou think the rckies coukld do it ?" he asked , all cynicism suddenly absent from his voice , hope's pendnulum swinging far into the realm of fantasy ."win the rest of their gamees ?maybe win the division or get the wild card ?"
380 deadtime
. sixty four
i met jonas and kim in the terminal of laguardie the next day just before noon .jonas gave kim a protracted , poignant hug when the time came for her tob go back home . they each had tears in their eyes as they said good bye . i thanked kim and promised her we would stay in touch , i felt good that jonas had connected with his family , and espcially good that kim was part of it .
i could f4eel jonas's fragility as he watched her turn to walk away . while we waited to clear security , i distracted him with a qustioonn about the roclies 's chances of meeting the mets in the playoffs . he reacted with a pronounced exhale tyhat almost reached the thresh-old for a chuckle . he told me he'd done the math and that the rocks wou;d have to win almost alll their remaining games just to be a wild card . i told him that i thought i remembered the yamkees inning winning smething like fifteen in a row once to end their season . with morew heartbreak in his voice than someone his age should have been able to muster , he said . " the rockies just lost three of their starting pitchers for the season , aln , and anyway , the rockies aren't the yankees ."
he was right , of corse . the cubs may have written the book on furtility and heartbreak , but in their brief history the rockies had been doing a fine job of polishing the abridged version of the same tale .
we made it down the concourse only as far as aunie annes's before i heard a telltale quiver radiating in jonas;s voice .he'd just started describing a double-play in the previously night's mets game but he couldn't remember the name of the mets' second baseman his frustration threatened to engulf him . with a hand on is shoulder i led him over to the side of the narrow a bank of pay phones andpulled him onto my lap .
he didn't resist .he leaned into me , resting his head agaisnt my shoulder , he shook -quaked , really - before he starteed to cry . once he began to sob , he continued for at least five minutes.
my own emotional balance remained sketchy .i was
i met jonas and kim in the terminal of laguardie the next day just before noon .jonas gave kim a protracted , poignant hug when the time came for her tob go back home . they each had tears in their eyes as they said good bye . i thanked kim and promised her we would stay in touch , i felt good that jonas had connected with his family , and espcially good that kim was part of it .
i could f4eel jonas's fragility as he watched her turn to walk away . while we waited to clear security , i distracted him with a qustioonn about the roclies 's chances of meeting the mets in the playoffs . he reacted with a pronounced exhale tyhat almost reached the thresh-old for a chuckle . he told me he'd done the math and that the rocks wou;d have to win almost alll their remaining games just to be a wild card . i told him that i thought i remembered the yamkees inning winning smething like fifteen in a row once to end their season . with morew heartbreak in his voice than someone his age should have been able to muster , he said . " the rockies just lost three of their starting pitchers for the season , aln , and anyway , the rockies aren't the yankees ."
he was right , of corse . the cubs may have written the book on furtility and heartbreak , but in their brief history the rockies had been doing a fine job of polishing the abridged version of the same tale .
we made it down the concourse only as far as aunie annes's before i heard a telltale quiver radiating in jonas;s voice .he'd just started describing a double-play in the previously night's mets game but he couldn't remember the name of the mets' second baseman his frustration threatened to engulf him . with a hand on is shoulder i led him over to the side of the narrow a bank of pay phones andpulled him onto my lap .
he didn't resist .he leaned into me , resting his head agaisnt my shoulder , he shook -quaked , really - before he starteed to cry . once he began to sob , he continued for at least five minutes.
my own emotional balance remained sketchy .i was
378-379dtime
by the time my comprehension had endured for the duration of two eye blinks . i tried to shake it away with a silent , plaintive , no . i tried to pretend that i understood nothing .
it was too late . i didi ujnderstand . i attempted to take a deep breath . i couldn't . my lungs had shrunkl to the size of wanuts . i coughhed , then choked down vomit . i almost gagged as i swallowed it back into plce .
i said , " sofie is the daughter tht lauren gave up for adoption .... when she was in college ? she was been ttrying to arrange to meet her .
" none of what i said was news to joost holken . " that is correct ," he said ." sofie is grace 's grce 's sister - her half sister ."
his delivery was unremsarkable / he could hae been reciting thwe hiversum - aamsterdam train schedule . his matter of fact tone made it clear to me that joost didn't have a bike in this peloton .
what did his neutrality mean for me ? i wasn't sure .
i steeled myself to ask the powerball question , the one that could change our futures . mine and joost's . lauren 's and grace 's . maybe sofie's .
i said ," and you are ....sofie's birth father ?"
"i am , " said joost hoklen .
with surprising equanimity , i reviewd tjhe facts in my head : my wife's long go . year abroad college lover is on the phone telling me all these years later that my wife is paralyzed in hilversum in the netherlands . that same man is my daughter's half sister's father .
the particulars , i recognized , were not good news for me on so many levels .
"mr holken ?: i said ." y oulive in hilversum ?"
he hesitated . not for long - it was hardly a paused at all - but i noted the dlay , perhaps because of how badly i fearrrrrrrrrrrrrd it . holken had been expecting me to connect some dots - and my question about where he lived provided all the evidence he needed that i had accomplished some important dot -connecting . his hesitation before he answered informed me that he hadn't looked forward to witnessing the advent of my awareness .
i appreciated that the anticipain of my anguish made hi8m uncomfortable . i lkie that about him .
he efinallly said ," i d o . i produce television here . news ."
the irony , fi nally .
i could feel cell walls imploding in my soul .
it was too late . i didi ujnderstand . i attempted to take a deep breath . i couldn't . my lungs had shrunkl to the size of wanuts . i coughhed , then choked down vomit . i almost gagged as i swallowed it back into plce .
i said , " sofie is the daughter tht lauren gave up for adoption .... when she was in college ? she was been ttrying to arrange to meet her .
" none of what i said was news to joost holken . " that is correct ," he said ." sofie is grace 's grce 's sister - her half sister ."
his delivery was unremsarkable / he could hae been reciting thwe hiversum - aamsterdam train schedule . his matter of fact tone made it clear to me that joost didn't have a bike in this peloton .
what did his neutrality mean for me ? i wasn't sure .
i steeled myself to ask the powerball question , the one that could change our futures . mine and joost's . lauren 's and grace 's . maybe sofie's .
i said ," and you are ....sofie's birth father ?"
"i am , " said joost hoklen .
with surprising equanimity , i reviewd tjhe facts in my head : my wife's long go . year abroad college lover is on the phone telling me all these years later that my wife is paralyzed in hilversum in the netherlands . that same man is my daughter's half sister's father .
the particulars , i recognized , were not good news for me on so many levels .
"mr holken ?: i said ." y oulive in hilversum ?"
he hesitated . not for long - it was hardly a paused at all - but i noted the dlay , perhaps because of how badly i fearrrrrrrrrrrrrd it . holken had been expecting me to connect some dots - and my question about where he lived provided all the evidence he needed that i had accomplished some important dot -connecting . his hesitation before he answered informed me that he hadn't looked forward to witnessing the advent of my awareness .
i appreciated that the anticipain of my anguish made hi8m uncomfortable . i lkie that about him .
he efinallly said ," i d o . i produce television here . news ."
the irony , fi nally .
i could feel cell walls imploding in my soul .
377 deadtime
. "yes ."
"where is grace ? my daughter ? is she with lasuren ?"
"of corse , of corse . she is with my daughter , sofie , and her family . in amsterdam . she is fine . by now asleep , i'm sure . it is late here .
the situation he was descrinbing made n sense to me . why would grace be with this mNB
;'S DAUGHTER AND HER FAMILY ? WHY WASN'T GRACE WITH LAUREN ?
I SWWALLOWED DOWN MORE PANIC ." I
M sorry . i'm not thinking xclearly . are you lauren 's doctor . you said our name is .....?"
"holken , joost holken . no. pleases ,do not apologize . i am ......sofie 's father /" he paused ." grace 's ....sister 's ....father ."
grace 's ... sister . grace's's sister 's ....father .
gibberish . who are you ? i wondered .
an old relational brain -twister i had stumbled over since i'd forst heard it as a child invaded my brain , uninvited : bothers and sisters . i have none , but this man's father is my yfather 's son ....
i could never figure tjhe damn puzzle our .
i forced myself back to thre suburb of reality that included joost holken and a town in he netherlands called hilversum .could the concussion be causing my brain to misfire this badly ." that's what holken had said . he hadn't said " y daughter sifie , and her family . and my family ."
"my daughter grace was with holken's daughter sofie , who was with her family , sofie's family was not her father's family .
how does this work ? my braion felt incapable of determining how many quarter were in a dollar , let alone solving this intercontinental relatinship riddle .
grace was with sifie , and sofie's family . okay . but was grace also with sofier , and 's grace famly? did grace's family now include sofie , and dofie 's family ?
i gasped . dopes grace's family include joost holken ? when that last question formed in my head , i suddenly under stood everything .
"where is grace ? my daughter ? is she with lasuren ?"
"of corse , of corse . she is with my daughter , sofie , and her family . in amsterdam . she is fine . by now asleep , i'm sure . it is late here .
the situation he was descrinbing made n sense to me . why would grace be with this mNB
;'S DAUGHTER AND HER FAMILY ? WHY WASN'T GRACE WITH LAUREN ?
I SWWALLOWED DOWN MORE PANIC ." I
M sorry . i'm not thinking xclearly . are you lauren 's doctor . you said our name is .....?"
"holken , joost holken . no. pleases ,do not apologize . i am ......sofie 's father /" he paused ." grace 's ....sister 's ....father ."
grace 's ... sister . grace's's sister 's ....father .
gibberish . who are you ? i wondered .
an old relational brain -twister i had stumbled over since i'd forst heard it as a child invaded my brain , uninvited : bothers and sisters . i have none , but this man's father is my yfather 's son ....
i could never figure tjhe damn puzzle our .
i forced myself back to thre suburb of reality that included joost holken and a town in he netherlands called hilversum .could the concussion be causing my brain to misfire this badly ." that's what holken had said . he hadn't said " y daughter sifie , and her family . and my family ."
"my daughter grace was with holken's daughter sofie , who was with her family , sofie's family was not her father's family .
how does this work ? my braion felt incapable of determining how many quarter were in a dollar , let alone solving this intercontinental relatinship riddle .
grace was with sifie , and sofie's family . okay . but was grace also with sofier , and 's grace famly? did grace's family now include sofie , and dofie 's family ?
i gasped . dopes grace's family include joost holken ? when that last question formed in my head , i suddenly under stood everything .
Friday, February 22, 2013
376 deadtime
" jack had contracted oden after he taked to paulson , oden knew jack had learned about jaana's pregnance . oden panicked - he started following jack as soon as he lefft san diego to come up tpo meet with lisa . jack was oden's initial target . t looks like jack just told lisa too much . i'll keep you posted if i learn more i...;uh , i'm leaving LA . something came up ." beep .
the phone rang . caller ID read out of area .
amy's 's calling back , i thought . my pulse raced .
i said ," hello ."
a crisp , clear , male voice said ." hello ."
the man had the type of generic accentr that caudsed me to think that i might be getting an unwelcome robo - call from a politician or a charity .before i could erespond to his greeting . he continuted ." this is joost holkenen . i am calling from hilvrersum , in holland , it's not far from amsterdam . isthis alan gregory ?"
why do i care where hilversum is ? i thought . then i felt my legs begin to buckle .
i was no longer enjoying the afterglow of a pre-dusk walk with the dogs on the dusty trails of spainsh hils in late summer. suddenly it was the previousapril all over again and it was three o'clock in the morning and i was trying to decipher the shocking news from iserael that my friend adrienne was dead .
oh, god , joost holkenne was in holland . hilversum is in holland .
"yeas , are lauen and grace okay ?" i said . please . please .
"your daughter is well , good . she is a fine child . lauren is ...ill . i'm afraid . suddenly . this afternoon ....early evening , really . she is in hospital here , in hilversum . she has suffered some ..... paralysis . she is resting right now ."
lauren is paralyzed . holy shit ," lauren ? her MS ?"
"yes , doctor say . the MS , in her legs ."
i tried to recall the nuerologist anatomy , i thought "legs " likely meant a spinal cord lesion ." leg " - sngular - was more indicative of a lesion in the brain ." both legs ?"
the phone rang . caller ID read out of area .
amy's 's calling back , i thought . my pulse raced .
i said ," hello ."
a crisp , clear , male voice said ." hello ."
the man had the type of generic accentr that caudsed me to think that i might be getting an unwelcome robo - call from a politician or a charity .before i could erespond to his greeting . he continuted ." this is joost holkenen . i am calling from hilvrersum , in holland , it's not far from amsterdam . isthis alan gregory ?"
why do i care where hilversum is ? i thought . then i felt my legs begin to buckle .
i was no longer enjoying the afterglow of a pre-dusk walk with the dogs on the dusty trails of spainsh hils in late summer. suddenly it was the previousapril all over again and it was three o'clock in the morning and i was trying to decipher the shocking news from iserael that my friend adrienne was dead .
oh, god , joost holkenne was in holland . hilversum is in holland .
"yeas , are lauen and grace okay ?" i said . please . please .
"your daughter is well , good . she is a fine child . lauren is ...ill . i'm afraid . suddenly . this afternoon ....early evening , really . she is in hospital here , in hilversum . she has suffered some ..... paralysis . she is resting right now ."
lauren is paralyzed . holy shit ," lauren ? her MS ?"
"yes , doctor say . the MS , in her legs ."
i tried to recall the nuerologist anatomy , i thought "legs " likely meant a spinal cord lesion ." leg " - sngular - was more indicative of a lesion in the brain ." both legs ?"
375 deadtime
. once i geet my family back here . i was thinking . i might never leave .
i gve mona a brief respite from her dog sitting chores but explained that i'd be flying out the next morning to retrieve jonas . the three dogs and i wefnt on a late afternoon walk on the familiar trails of sanish hills . huge thunderheads were building along the front range . one reached toward the stratoshere in jefferson county to the south , and another one did the same in weld county to th e north .
for thaat moment boulder was dry . during monsoon season that could change in an instant .
a female voice stunned me when i walked back into the house wioth the dogs . i was disoriented enopugh to blink a few realizdd that someo9ne was lreaving a message on the answering machine . i charged for it after me . barking . just before i reached the p[hone , the voice said ." adi ."
adi . amy .
i hit play .
"alan ? i got this number from mel's mom . hope it's okay to call . i'm kind of gl;ad you didn't answere , that i got your machine . it's easier , maybe . listen .... i'm fine , still shaky and sore , but okay , i'm stayin with some friends from tjhe show for a couple of days ,thanks for all your calls . someday - not too soon - maybe we can talk about what happened . something . wow ." she sighed ." okay .... last part . i want you to know tjhat = when the whole adored thing ened up not working out for you and your wife - feel free to give me a call . i think you know what i mean , you take care . adi ."
yes , the whole adored thing .
a seond messagew began to play ," hey ," it was sam .
no more news about , but i haven't seeen her yet . amy's been discharged from the " jack had contacted oden after he talked to paulson .
i gve mona a brief respite from her dog sitting chores but explained that i'd be flying out the next morning to retrieve jonas . the three dogs and i wefnt on a late afternoon walk on the familiar trails of sanish hills . huge thunderheads were building along the front range . one reached toward the stratoshere in jefferson county to the south , and another one did the same in weld county to th e north .
for thaat moment boulder was dry . during monsoon season that could change in an instant .
a female voice stunned me when i walked back into the house wioth the dogs . i was disoriented enopugh to blink a few realizdd that someo9ne was lreaving a message on the answering machine . i charged for it after me . barking . just before i reached the p[hone , the voice said ." adi ."
adi . amy .
i hit play .
"alan ? i got this number from mel's mom . hope it's okay to call . i'm kind of gl;ad you didn't answere , that i got your machine . it's easier , maybe . listen .... i'm fine , still shaky and sore , but okay , i'm stayin with some friends from tjhe show for a couple of days ,thanks for all your calls . someday - not too soon - maybe we can talk about what happened . something . wow ." she sighed ." okay .... last part . i want you to know tjhat = when the whole adored thing ened up not working out for you and your wife - feel free to give me a call . i think you know what i mean , you take care . adi ."
yes , the whole adored thing .
a seond messagew began to play ," hey ," it was sam .
no more news about , but i haven't seeen her yet . amy's been discharged from the " jack had contacted oden after he talked to paulson .
374 deadtime
. he returned to mt. washington te next day to get her . with lisa bound and gagged in the cab of the truck he'd stolen , oden drove to the valley to retriev jack's body .
he pronbably thought he was one trip to the desert wawy from dod ging a second bullet .
but that's when i ran from amyu's naked overture to the bed of the old ford .
sam eneded his messagew with a laugh as he shared the fact that the local media had identified me as gregory alan .
i thanked the copywritting gods for that small fafvor .
i'd appreciated my time in new york city . i d been surprised at how much i enjoyed being in LA . but i felt consummate relief being back in boulder . the gestalt of the place - the city agaisnt the mountains , the mountains agaisnt the sky - provided a much needed anchor for my soul . it was one of those days tjat i found the front range so lovely that the tableau semed preposterous .on one side of the valley , my home sits near the crest of pedestrian hills . on the oppsin side of the valleyy , mountains soar from fifty five hundred feet to fourteen thousand feet in the blink of a geological eye . above the rockies is western sky . above that is p[ossibility .
tucked into the western edg e of the valley is a twon that is so full of contradictiopns that it is hard to believe it s the work of so much planning . precient loeadership has left the city of boulder as the hole in one of the most appetizing geographical urban doughnuts anywhere .. the toewn , peculiar in so many amusing ways . is surrounded by pristine greenbelts stretching as far as my eyes can see . i marved at the splendid economuic wastefulness of of the undeveloped acreagee whenever i slow down long enough to be grateful for it . developers . i imagine , want to fall on their bejewled subdivision swords when ever they view the immense swaths of prime mountain and valley real estate thsat boulder taxpayers have cordoned off bull dozers . forever .
he pronbably thought he was one trip to the desert wawy from dod ging a second bullet .
but that's when i ran from amyu's naked overture to the bed of the old ford .
sam eneded his messagew with a laugh as he shared the fact that the local media had identified me as gregory alan .
i thanked the copywritting gods for that small fafvor .
i'd appreciated my time in new york city . i d been surprised at how much i enjoyed being in LA . but i felt consummate relief being back in boulder . the gestalt of the place - the city agaisnt the mountains , the mountains agaisnt the sky - provided a much needed anchor for my soul . it was one of those days tjat i found the front range so lovely that the tableau semed preposterous .on one side of the valley , my home sits near the crest of pedestrian hills . on the oppsin side of the valleyy , mountains soar from fifty five hundred feet to fourteen thousand feet in the blink of a geological eye . above the rockies is western sky . above that is p[ossibility .
tucked into the western edg e of the valley is a twon that is so full of contradictiopns that it is hard to believe it s the work of so much planning . precient loeadership has left the city of boulder as the hole in one of the most appetizing geographical urban doughnuts anywhere .. the toewn , peculiar in so many amusing ways . is surrounded by pristine greenbelts stretching as far as my eyes can see . i marved at the splendid economuic wastefulness of of the undeveloped acreagee whenever i slow down long enough to be grateful for it . developers . i imagine , want to fall on their bejewled subdivision swords when ever they view the immense swaths of prime mountain and valley real estate thsat boulder taxpayers have cordoned off bull dozers . forever .
373 deadtime
. i phoned jonas and told him yhe plans . he seemed relieved that i was on my way .i left lauren yet another message when i got to boulder , i let her know i was getting concrrned at her silence , i he assured me he woulsd be fine until the next day , i was tempted to believe him . what choice did i have ?
i phoned lauren again before i lefft the airport . again , she didn't answer .
i left lauren yet another message when o got to boulder . i let her know i was getting concerned at her silence . i wondered if she , too , had lost her phone .
in my life i was learning to always leave room for irony .
sam ad left me a voice mail on the home line . lisa was alive . she was at cedars- sinai . the hospital , t the patient's request , was not releaseing informatiom about her condition . e hadn't heard anything about the baby . or a,y . he saiod he thought that was good news - that he hadn't heard anything about amy .
he also thought his LA law enforcement colleague s hd pieced together a pretty good scenario to explkain what had come down .
jack's cell phone memory contained evidence of a call to oden two days before i flew to california . the cops ' th eory was that jack had ina dvertently started the final ball rolling when he made from nicholas p[auilson about jaamna's pregnancy .
oden instantly began to sense that his house of cards was crumbl;ing . LAPD deective found a dreceipt from a gas station in the marina district in san diego in oden's car . the receipt was dated the same day that jack was planning to drive to LA to see lisa . oden had apparently arrive in sajn diego just in time to follow jack nrth for for his rendezvous with lisa in mt. washington . jack's next stop was arzana . oden followed him there . the cops figured that it was at that opoint that jack must have told oden what lisa knew . oden killed jack in the garage of the old barn and stashed his body in the decrepit pickup until he could decide what to do about lisa .
i phoned lauren again before i lefft the airport . again , she didn't answer .
i left lauren yet another message when o got to boulder . i let her know i was getting concerned at her silence . i wondered if she , too , had lost her phone .
in my life i was learning to always leave room for irony .
sam ad left me a voice mail on the home line . lisa was alive . she was at cedars- sinai . the hospital , t the patient's request , was not releaseing informatiom about her condition . e hadn't heard anything about the baby . or a,y . he saiod he thought that was good news - that he hadn't heard anything about amy .
he also thought his LA law enforcement colleague s hd pieced together a pretty good scenario to explkain what had come down .
jack's cell phone memory contained evidence of a call to oden two days before i flew to california . the cops ' th eory was that jack had ina dvertently started the final ball rolling when he made from nicholas p[auilson about jaamna's pregnancy .
oden instantly began to sense that his house of cards was crumbl;ing . LAPD deective found a dreceipt from a gas station in the marina district in san diego in oden's car . the receipt was dated the same day that jack was planning to drive to LA to see lisa . oden had apparently arrive in sajn diego just in time to follow jack nrth for for his rendezvous with lisa in mt. washington . jack's next stop was arzana . oden followed him there . the cops figured that it was at that opoint that jack must have told oden what lisa knew . oden killed jack in the garage of the old barn and stashed his body in the decrepit pickup until he could decide what to do about lisa .
372 deadtime
my act wou;d have to suffice - i did not want to alian ate marty ." that 's what jonas saiod?" i asked ." he said he misses callie ?"
"callie " was the emergency code word jonas had choosen as canine in nature ,and misinterpreting the solution to be generic . marty believe his dopg should been enough for jonas .
"the puppy was a gift from his mother ," i said , offering a fresh perspective .
marty paused a beat before he responded . he's getting it . i thought , hoping , i was wrong about him .
marty said ," so ? everyting he has a gift from his mother , isn't it ? i mean , thjink about it ."
were i not so intent on not alianating marty , it would have been a fine time to ask if he'd ever taken introductory psych. or ever watched oprah .
"is there , marty ? can i speak with him ?"
"hi ," my son said a few sseconds later . his voice was completely devoid of the confidence i 'd heard from as he kicked the stone during our walk in white plains not too many days before . i imagined marty hovering behind jjonas as he spoke to me on the phone that hung from the wall next to to the refrigerator in kim's cluttered kitchen . ii needed to find a way to give the kid a cushion .
"hi ," i said ."hey , can you grab your cell and head out to the swing ?there arew some important phone lessons i need , anfd this may take a while . will you do that for me ? i will call you there in two minutes ."
my impulse was to go straight to new york from the denver airport, but a compassionate gate agent at DIA quickly helped me flights prehend that such a trip wasn't in the cards . the last two flights from denver tp laguardia that dat were overbooked .i'd beat the end of long stand by lists . other than the red eye into JFK - i recalledi didn't want to make kim schlep jonas all the way to JFK from white plains at the crack of dawn - the fi9rst chance i had to get out of denver to new york was on the earliest united flight the next morning .
"callie " was the emergency code word jonas had choosen as canine in nature ,and misinterpreting the solution to be generic . marty believe his dopg should been enough for jonas .
"the puppy was a gift from his mother ," i said , offering a fresh perspective .
marty paused a beat before he responded . he's getting it . i thought , hoping , i was wrong about him .
marty said ," so ? everyting he has a gift from his mother , isn't it ? i mean , thjink about it ."
were i not so intent on not alianating marty , it would have been a fine time to ask if he'd ever taken introductory psych. or ever watched oprah .
"is there , marty ? can i speak with him ?"
"hi ," my son said a few sseconds later . his voice was completely devoid of the confidence i 'd heard from as he kicked the stone during our walk in white plains not too many days before . i imagined marty hovering behind jjonas as he spoke to me on the phone that hung from the wall next to to the refrigerator in kim's cluttered kitchen . ii needed to find a way to give the kid a cushion .
"hi ," i said ."hey , can you grab your cell and head out to the swing ?there arew some important phone lessons i need , anfd this may take a while . will you do that for me ? i will call you there in two minutes ."
my impulse was to go straight to new york from the denver airport, but a compassionate gate agent at DIA quickly helped me flights prehend that such a trip wasn't in the cards . the last two flights from denver tp laguardia that dat were overbooked .i'd beat the end of long stand by lists . other than the red eye into JFK - i recalledi didn't want to make kim schlep jonas all the way to JFK from white plains at the crack of dawn - the fi9rst chance i had to get out of denver to new york was on the earliest united flight the next morning .
371 deadtime
sixty three
"marty ?alan. "
i started aoilent mantra . i will be at laguardia in two days to retrieve my son ,i will be at la.....
"alan ," marty said . his tonre of cvoice was like a warning flare in front of my eyes . he had spoken my name softly , and woithout any usual nasal qualities that made me wince ." we have a ....problem with jonas ."
don't/ don't tell me he wants to say to fight you .but i will fight you with every last watt of energy in my body ,
"is he okay ?" i said in my best therapist voice .
"umm...."
"tell me ," i said , fighting to feign composure .
"it's been going so well here ," marty said .
no. he is not staying . i will bw at laguardia in-
"but.... it;s like he hit a wall . he didn't wamnt to get out of bed yesterday morning , said his stomah hurt . we almost hafd top drag him out for breakfast . kim made pancakes . all of a sudden he's barely eating / he never eats much - you saw how skinny he is - but he liks kim
s pancakes . everybody does . and now he's started crying at nothing . when we ask him what;s wrong . he just says that he misses callie .
"i held an imaginary level to my demeanor to be certain i could make my voice appear calm . the bubble floated to the middle and stayed . good .
"marty ?alan. "
i started aoilent mantra . i will be at laguardia in two days to retrieve my son ,i will be at la.....
"alan ," marty said . his tonre of cvoice was like a warning flare in front of my eyes . he had spoken my name softly , and woithout any usual nasal qualities that made me wince ." we have a ....problem with jonas ."
don't/ don't tell me he wants to say to fight you .but i will fight you with every last watt of energy in my body ,
"is he okay ?" i said in my best therapist voice .
"umm...."
"tell me ," i said , fighting to feign composure .
"it's been going so well here ," marty said .
no. he is not staying . i will bw at laguardia in-
"but.... it;s like he hit a wall . he didn't wamnt to get out of bed yesterday morning , said his stomah hurt . we almost hafd top drag him out for breakfast . kim made pancakes . all of a sudden he's barely eating / he never eats much - you saw how skinny he is - but he liks kim
s pancakes . everybody does . and now he's started crying at nothing . when we ask him what;s wrong . he just says that he misses callie .
"i held an imaginary level to my demeanor to be certain i could make my voice appear calm . the bubble floated to the middle and stayed . good .
Thursday, February 21, 2013
368 deadtime
am stilol hadn't learned anything about amy or lisa , we weren'tfamily , and he hadn't been able to bluff his way around the HIPAA privaacy restrictions at the hospital , merideth might have nbetter luck - she and lisa certainly had family ties , even if theirs were the kind of postmodern relationships that tend to give instritutions fits .
the first thing i did inside the condo ewas to use the landline to again call lauren , again she didn't answeri left her a meaage that i was heading home to boulder and would call her from the airport . i didn't tell her about the concussion or the shootout . there was no reason to alarm her at that point . i prayed she was staying away from the day's news .
the second thing i did was shower in merideth's splendid shower .
the concussion was evolving . my head felt as though it was being propped up onmy neck by couple of swollen spkies . i couldn't wait to get home .
sam drove me to LAX .on the congested drive from hollywood to the airport , sam's phone buzzed with updated information about the aftermath of the confrontaation with oden in the desert .oden'swife was being interviewd by authorities . his son was indeed of mixed race , withasian features . a photograph - suspected to be of his son as an infant - had been discovered in his wallet . the baby in the picture was being held by a while woman . the photo was scanned and sent to the grand canyon . ranger ramona phoned sam . she was nin=ety nne percent sure the wqoman was jaana peet .
oden's oxidized mazada hatchback had been located a block and a half from the mt . washington dulex .
after getting thatl ast piece of news from his contact at LAPD . sam said to me . "i bet oden followed jack there . that's how he found lisa . he must have stolen that truck to follow jack to tarzana ."
"but how did he find jack ? why was he looking for him ?""
i aske .
the first thing i did inside the condo ewas to use the landline to again call lauren , again she didn't answeri left her a meaage that i was heading home to boulder and would call her from the airport . i didn't tell her about the concussion or the shootout . there was no reason to alarm her at that point . i prayed she was staying away from the day's news .
the second thing i did was shower in merideth's splendid shower .
the concussion was evolving . my head felt as though it was being propped up onmy neck by couple of swollen spkies . i couldn't wait to get home .
sam drove me to LAX .on the congested drive from hollywood to the airport , sam's phone buzzed with updated information about the aftermath of the confrontaation with oden in the desert .oden'swife was being interviewd by authorities . his son was indeed of mixed race , withasian features . a photograph - suspected to be of his son as an infant - had been discovered in his wallet . the baby in the picture was being held by a while woman . the photo was scanned and sent to the grand canyon . ranger ramona phoned sam . she was nin=ety nne percent sure the wqoman was jaana peet .
oden's oxidized mazada hatchback had been located a block and a half from the mt . washington dulex .
after getting thatl ast piece of news from his contact at LAPD . sam said to me . "i bet oden followed jack there . that's how he found lisa . he must have stolen that truck to follow jack to tarzana ."
"but how did he find jack ? why was he looking for him ?""
i aske .
367 deaqdtime
i couldn't remember if i'd opted for the extra insurance .
i hoped chloe hadn't been hit .
sam finagled a ride for us back to LA with the bother in law of the cop who lived in randsburg . the guy's mom was coming back from a holiday in china . he was picking her up at LAX .
I SLEPT THE WHOLE WAY TO WSET HOLLYWOOD .
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA WAS having one of those days that makes LA magic . when LA is stunning , the hills come closer , the basin shrinks , the pacific spatkles , and the air is as clear as the melt from an icicle . a billion fanciful dreams have been born on days when LA is stunnning . most of the dreamers have stayed behind .
i woke up to the LA. brilliance thginking that i didn't want it to be the day that lisa and amy died .
hector was on duty when sam and i walked into the lobby of medrideth condo . hector greeted me wit the news that that merideth had been trying to reach me . sam told hector he'ds already left her a couple of messages .i told hector i'd losst my cell phone .
sam sensed some attitude . his tone morphed into cop . he said , " you can watch it on the news tonight if yu want , any chanel ."
hector thought sam was blowing smoke up his ass . he lifted his chin before he spoke to me . " she's on her way here . to LA . you have to leave . got somebody coming to clean the plasce "- he looked at his watch- "in an hour ."
hectyor was infusing a little more street into his accent . it was an interesting metamorphosis .
"no problem , hector ." i turned to sam ," god ,i hope that means she's talked to eric . and knows about lisa . i'd rather not be the one to have to tell her ."
sam kept his eyes on hector ." i got it covered . don't worry ."
each of them was stiffening . i put a hand on sam's back and ledhim to the elevator .
i hoped chloe hadn't been hit .
sam finagled a ride for us back to LA with the bother in law of the cop who lived in randsburg . the guy's mom was coming back from a holiday in china . he was picking her up at LAX .
I SLEPT THE WHOLE WAY TO WSET HOLLYWOOD .
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA WAS having one of those days that makes LA magic . when LA is stunning , the hills come closer , the basin shrinks , the pacific spatkles , and the air is as clear as the melt from an icicle . a billion fanciful dreams have been born on days when LA is stunnning . most of the dreamers have stayed behind .
i woke up to the LA. brilliance thginking that i didn't want it to be the day that lisa and amy died .
hector was on duty when sam and i walked into the lobby of medrideth condo . hector greeted me wit the news that that merideth had been trying to reach me . sam told hector he'ds already left her a couple of messages .i told hector i'd losst my cell phone .
sam sensed some attitude . his tone morphed into cop . he said , " you can watch it on the news tonight if yu want , any chanel ."
hector thought sam was blowing smoke up his ass . he lifted his chin before he spoke to me . " she's on her way here . to LA . you have to leave . got somebody coming to clean the plasce "- he looked at his watch- "in an hour ."
hectyor was infusing a little more street into his accent . it was an interesting metamorphosis .
"no problem , hector ." i turned to sam ," god ,i hope that means she's talked to eric . and knows about lisa . i'd rather not be the one to have to tell her ."
sam kept his eyes on hector ." i got it covered . don't worry ."
each of them was stiffening . i put a hand on sam's back and ledhim to the elevator .
365 deadtime
. she told him about the timing of oden's move from arizona to california . sam told her he found that interesting . she;s saiod asian , sam . not all asian , but part . japanese , by my guess . you can tell clear from ythe picture the kid's got asian features ."
ramona explained to sam that she had been in the navy . she'd been stational on okinawa for a while . she knew the japanese .
sam hasd understood the relevance of oden's son asian features immediately .
"oden got a wife ? girlfriend ?" sam had asked ." she asian ?"
ram,ona had wondered the same thing .so she had called oden's house just minutes before she phoned sam in the back of the LAPD patrol car .
ramona told sam that when a woman had answered at oden 's house , she'd said , " mrs , oden ?"
the woman had said ," si ."
ram,ona told sam ," i speak some spanished . we talked a little . i told her i was an old colleague of her husband's . she said he was out of town on business , he's be back that evening . she's from oaxaca . i don't think that lady is the kid's natural mom ."
sam didn't either .
"the kid's the right age , sam ." ramona told him .
"the right age for what ?" i asked at that point in his story .
i blamed it on the concussion , of corse , but i didn't add things up right away . sam was able to recognize that some of my neurons weren't firing on command . he encouraged me to lie back on the gurney in the exam room .
in a kind voice , he said ." oden 'sd kid has asian blood . alan . the only asian on the roster we've developoed from that week in the the grand canyon is jaana's old flame in vegas . that rich guy i talked to , nick paulson , he's definitely part japanesse . i sqaw him . sure . there are other explanatiions for the kid having asian features - oden could've married an asian woman that no one knew about , thatr's one - but the most obvious explanation is that oden somehow eneded up with th e baby that jaana was pregnant with when she disappeared from the canyon ."
i said ," there're lots of asian adoptions these days . lots of mixed race kids . LA 's diverse , sam ."
"you playing deviul's advocate , or are you inured worese than i think ? chna ? yeah . there're adoptions . korean? sure . other place ?yeah .but not too many from japan ," sam said ." bet you the kid isn't adopted ."
"then where 's jaana ?" i asked . as soon as i said her name alound . the pieces fell together in my head . i said ."oh shit , that's the two ."
"what ?"sam said ." what's the two ?"
"jaana and her friend from estonia ?" i said . i was frustrated that my memory was returning in burps ." they 're the two people that oden said he dumped int he desert .oh my god , oden told me that he had dumped two people once before . he left their bodies in the desert . two people , sam . i couldn't figured it out . but it had to be jaana and her friend , right ?"
sam's shoulders drooped ." if my theory is correct about oden , it has to be jaana and her friend," he said .
"nick paulson ?" i asked .
sam thought about iut ," asshole?he's guilty of that . everything else ? my guess is the guy skates ."
the ER doc was a moonlighting resident from UCLA . she was a tall , thin black woman with a wry wit , she cheecked me for other things - a fractured skull and a subdural hematoma- but settled on the diagnosius of a concussion ," common things happen commonly ," she explained .she told sam and me what to watch for , and she sent us on our way .
the camry had been wounded . it had taken three slugs during the mojave shootout . i was trying not to think about what amountof additional brain damage i would suffer making hertz happy with me again .
ramona explained to sam that she had been in the navy . she'd been stational on okinawa for a while . she knew the japanese .
sam hasd understood the relevance of oden's son asian features immediately .
"oden got a wife ? girlfriend ?" sam had asked ." she asian ?"
ram,ona had wondered the same thing .so she had called oden's house just minutes before she phoned sam in the back of the LAPD patrol car .
ramona told sam that when a woman had answered at oden 's house , she'd said , " mrs , oden ?"
the woman had said ," si ."
ram,ona told sam ," i speak some spanished . we talked a little . i told her i was an old colleague of her husband's . she said he was out of town on business , he's be back that evening . she's from oaxaca . i don't think that lady is the kid's natural mom ."
sam didn't either .
"the kid's the right age , sam ." ramona told him .
"the right age for what ?" i asked at that point in his story .
i blamed it on the concussion , of corse , but i didn't add things up right away . sam was able to recognize that some of my neurons weren't firing on command . he encouraged me to lie back on the gurney in the exam room .
in a kind voice , he said ." oden 'sd kid has asian blood . alan . the only asian on the roster we've developoed from that week in the the grand canyon is jaana's old flame in vegas . that rich guy i talked to , nick paulson , he's definitely part japanesse . i sqaw him . sure . there are other explanatiions for the kid having asian features - oden could've married an asian woman that no one knew about , thatr's one - but the most obvious explanation is that oden somehow eneded up with th e baby that jaana was pregnant with when she disappeared from the canyon ."
i said ," there're lots of asian adoptions these days . lots of mixed race kids . LA 's diverse , sam ."
"you playing deviul's advocate , or are you inured worese than i think ? chna ? yeah . there're adoptions . korean? sure . other place ?yeah .but not too many from japan ," sam said ." bet you the kid isn't adopted ."
"then where 's jaana ?" i asked . as soon as i said her name alound . the pieces fell together in my head . i said ."oh shit , that's the two ."
"what ?"sam said ." what's the two ?"
"jaana and her friend from estonia ?" i said . i was frustrated that my memory was returning in burps ." they 're the two people that oden said he dumped int he desert .oh my god , oden told me that he had dumped two people once before . he left their bodies in the desert . two people , sam . i couldn't figured it out . but it had to be jaana and her friend , right ?"
sam's shoulders drooped ." if my theory is correct about oden , it has to be jaana and her friend," he said .
"nick paulson ?" i asked .
sam thought about iut ," asshole?he's guilty of that . everything else ? my guess is the guy skates ."
the ER doc was a moonlighting resident from UCLA . she was a tall , thin black woman with a wry wit , she cheecked me for other things - a fractured skull and a subdural hematoma- but settled on the diagnosius of a concussion ," common things happen commonly ," she explained .she told sam and me what to watch for , and she sent us on our way .
the camry had been wounded . it had taken three slugs during the mojave shootout . i was trying not to think about what amountof additional brain damage i would suffer making hertz happy with me again .
364 deadtime
if he heard us tracking him with a chopper or saww us pass by in a market car . we knew there was a good chance he'd get suspicious and we'd ened up in a standoff .if we tried to stop him or approaxched the car , we knew we might get into a chase , or he might kill anybody .in the car before we were able to kill him . one of the local guys suggested usung the ambulance for surveillance . brilliant .
"we were mobilizing down the road for whatever might come next . once we knew what we were dealing with , we faked the accident to block the road . hasd to get the guy out of the car . had to . we guessed he wouldnt drive uop nesxxt to the accident with a bound jhostage inn the car ."
"you knew it was oden ?"
"not at first ," sam said ." that's where ranger ramona comes in ."
i couldtell from the way he said it that sam was pround of ranger ramona 's contribution . i understood . i was pround of chloe .
raqmona had been thinking . two things had gotten her going .one was her discoverry that jaana's estonian girlfriend had walked away from her life only months after jaana diosappeared in the canyon . the other was sam's curiosity about lincoln oden .
ramona had done some quick checking and discovered yet another coincidence 0 oden had moved from kingman , arizona , to LA exactly five days after jaana's girlfriend was reported missing by her boss in las vegas .
ramona went to the internet looking for signs of oden . she located a recent photo from an online community newspaper of oden an his son - ramona didn't know oden had a son - and another allstate agent and that guy's son after the foursome had won a charrity father son team sandcastle - building contest over the previous father's day wekend . the team had built a gianyt serpent of some kind , using plastic buckets for teeth , in the photo , they were all sweaty and happy and coverred with sand .
ramona had immediately called sam . she didn't knowthatat that moment he was in an LAPD patrol car being escorted to catch a helicopter for the shgort hop to the edge of the mojave desert .
"we were mobilizing down the road for whatever might come next . once we knew what we were dealing with , we faked the accident to block the road . hasd to get the guy out of the car . had to . we guessed he wouldnt drive uop nesxxt to the accident with a bound jhostage inn the car ."
"you knew it was oden ?"
"not at first ," sam said ." that's where ranger ramona comes in ."
i couldtell from the way he said it that sam was pround of ranger ramona 's contribution . i understood . i was pround of chloe .
raqmona had been thinking . two things had gotten her going .one was her discoverry that jaana's estonian girlfriend had walked away from her life only months after jaana diosappeared in the canyon . the other was sam's curiosity about lincoln oden .
ramona had done some quick checking and discovered yet another coincidence 0 oden had moved from kingman , arizona , to LA exactly five days after jaana's girlfriend was reported missing by her boss in las vegas .
ramona went to the internet looking for signs of oden . she located a recent photo from an online community newspaper of oden an his son - ramona didn't know oden had a son - and another allstate agent and that guy's son after the foursome had won a charrity father son team sandcastle - building contest over the previous father's day wekend . the team had built a gianyt serpent of some kind , using plastic buckets for teeth , in the photo , they were all sweaty and happy and coverred with sand .
ramona had immediately called sam . she didn't knowthatat that moment he was in an LAPD patrol car being escorted to catch a helicopter for the shgort hop to the edge of the mojave desert .
363 deadtime
how bout you stop interrupting me so i can tell you what the hell happened ?"
i nodded . i was relieved he didn't actually kiss me .
he released his grip on my cheks ." at that point we still don't know who said he had a gun into your phone .
"the patrol guys find lots of interesting stuff e=when they look around . first , they spotted blood in the garage - jack's body came later . a stolen pifckup on the street out front . your beguiling friend amy 's car on the driveway . and her keys on the floor of the garage - but no amy . we think you were there , too , of course , but your rental's n plce to be found , one theory getting a lot i-of immediately attention is that you and amy have been abducted , probably in your car . that's when i tell the LAPD detective about chloe ."
i almost said ," you remembered chloe ?" i didn't say it .
"i remember how enamored you are with theGPS in the car . it's worth a shot , is what i'm thinking , sure enough , hertz tracks your car in like no time . they find it heading northbound on the 15 , not too far from san bernardino .
:"we scramble to put our little operation in place . the resources they got here ? in LA ? helicopters . highway patrol , rescue rigs , bang , bang , bang , likebeing in the damn army ."
sam hadn't been in the army , in other circumstances , i would've mentioned that just to aggravate him .
"anyway , by the time the camy=ry gets to the other side of barstow and cuts off the15 onto some little road that heads toward the mojave , we were mobilized ."
i saiod ," can i ask a question ?"
he said ," yes."
"why did you drive past us in the ambulance ? that must have been one of the most depressing things i ever saw in my life ."
"had to know what wewere dealing with , drove by , wesaw him , saw you , saw the gun . we didn't see amy , though . that worried us . we didn't know how much time we had . we also had to come up with a way to lure him aaway from the car without you .
i nodded . i was relieved he didn't actually kiss me .
he released his grip on my cheks ." at that point we still don't know who said he had a gun into your phone .
"the patrol guys find lots of interesting stuff e=when they look around . first , they spotted blood in the garage - jack's body came later . a stolen pifckup on the street out front . your beguiling friend amy 's car on the driveway . and her keys on the floor of the garage - but no amy . we think you were there , too , of course , but your rental's n plce to be found , one theory getting a lot i-of immediately attention is that you and amy have been abducted , probably in your car . that's when i tell the LAPD detective about chloe ."
i almost said ," you remembered chloe ?" i didn't say it .
"i remember how enamored you are with theGPS in the car . it's worth a shot , is what i'm thinking , sure enough , hertz tracks your car in like no time . they find it heading northbound on the 15 , not too far from san bernardino .
:"we scramble to put our little operation in place . the resources they got here ? in LA ? helicopters . highway patrol , rescue rigs , bang , bang , bang , likebeing in the damn army ."
sam hadn't been in the army , in other circumstances , i would've mentioned that just to aggravate him .
"anyway , by the time the camy=ry gets to the other side of barstow and cuts off the15 onto some little road that heads toward the mojave , we were mobilized ."
i saiod ," can i ask a question ?"
he said ," yes."
"why did you drive past us in the ambulance ? that must have been one of the most depressing things i ever saw in my life ."
"had to know what wewere dealing with , drove by , wesaw him , saw you , saw the gun . we didn't see amy , though . that worried us . we didn't know how much time we had . we also had to come up with a way to lure him aaway from the car without you .
362 deadtime
but if it's really you calling me that early in ther morning i'm guessing the 'kick them this way , i got a gun ' is sometjhing important . that , or you're feeling suicidal and you're hoping i'll put you out of your misery .
" i stumble out to the living room for a reality and sure eenough you're gone . the note you lefft out on the counter said there was a psych emergency with mel's friend . you remember that much ?" i told him i did ." and that you're heaading to tarzana . you leave nice notes , aln , lots of detail . lauren's trained you well .
"i called you back , of corse , but you're not answering . not a good sign .
"my options are kind of limiited . i wake up that LAPD detective i talked to last nght - the friend of the friend of carmen's - and i tell her aboput the emergency you have in tarzana involving the women whose house almost exploded the night before , all missing people from the grand canyon , and the kick them this way ,i got got a gun phone call that woke me up , and she agrees to have a patrol car sent to the tarzana address to look around . two cops get there within a few minutes .they find a bunch of sleeping people . a suicidal grl -"
"kanyn ."
"yeah , kanyn -"
"still suicidal ? or by history ?"
"all i know is ' suicidal '- what the -"
"did she make an attempt lasst night ? after i left ?"
"suicidal , that's it . and -"
i said ." the body . oh shit , sam . i haven'yt told anybody about the body , did they find the body ?""
"the one in the garage ? that's s jack . somebody whacked hiom on the head with a wrench . tiimning ? not sure , the foresics guys will get all that -"
"oden ?"sam took my face in both of his fat hands like a granmother about to lant a wet one on her favorite grandkid .
" i stumble out to the living room for a reality and sure eenough you're gone . the note you lefft out on the counter said there was a psych emergency with mel's friend . you remember that much ?" i told him i did ." and that you're heaading to tarzana . you leave nice notes , aln , lots of detail . lauren's trained you well .
"i called you back , of corse , but you're not answering . not a good sign .
"my options are kind of limiited . i wake up that LAPD detective i talked to last nght - the friend of the friend of carmen's - and i tell her aboput the emergency you have in tarzana involving the women whose house almost exploded the night before , all missing people from the grand canyon , and the kick them this way ,i got got a gun phone call that woke me up , and she agrees to have a patrol car sent to the tarzana address to look around . two cops get there within a few minutes .they find a bunch of sleeping people . a suicidal grl -"
"kanyn ."
"yeah , kanyn -"
"still suicidal ? or by history ?"
"all i know is ' suicidal '- what the -"
"did she make an attempt lasst night ? after i left ?"
"suicidal , that's it . and -"
i said ." the body . oh shit , sam . i haven'yt told anybody about the body , did they find the body ?""
"the one in the garage ? that's s jack . somebody whacked hiom on the head with a wrench . tiimning ? not sure , the foresics guys will get all that -"
"oden ?"sam took my face in both of his fat hands like a granmother about to lant a wet one on her favorite grandkid .
361 deadtime
. sixty two
her ex
the ambulance rtransported me to an ER in tehachapi , another twon i hadn't heard of . after a local cop finished interviewing me , sam loaned me his phone . i tried lauren in holland .she didn't answer . i left message letting her know i'd lost my new cell phone ,and that i would try to reaxch her again s oon . sam had alreafdy tried to reach meride th to update her about lisa .
he'd gotten her voice masil . told her to call him immediately .
he coldn't get any medical updates about lisa and amy .
while we were waiting for my trurn with the ER doc , sam finally began to answer my question about chloe and ranger ramona . he was in a storytelling mood .
"okay " he said ." iget acall at some awful hour .i'm sound asleep in the comfiest bed i think i've ever slept in my entire life . all i know is , it's too early . that was this morning . i manage to get the phone to my ear and before i can even curse at whoever's calling . i hear some guy i don't know saying ." kick them this way ," then i got a gun ." then nothing .
"from my perspective , not necessarily a good thing to wake up to .' kick them this way . i got a gun ." i check caller ID . it says it was you . but i was ninety nine percent sure it hadn't been you talking . i admit i'm confused - it's early , i'm foggy and i'd been thjinking you should be asleep in other room .
her ex
the ambulance rtransported me to an ER in tehachapi , another twon i hadn't heard of . after a local cop finished interviewing me , sam loaned me his phone . i tried lauren in holland .she didn't answer . i left message letting her know i'd lost my new cell phone ,and that i would try to reaxch her again s oon . sam had alreafdy tried to reach meride th to update her about lisa .
he'd gotten her voice masil . told her to call him immediately .
he coldn't get any medical updates about lisa and amy .
while we were waiting for my trurn with the ER doc , sam finally began to answer my question about chloe and ranger ramona . he was in a storytelling mood .
"okay " he said ." iget acall at some awful hour .i'm sound asleep in the comfiest bed i think i've ever slept in my entire life . all i know is , it's too early . that was this morning . i manage to get the phone to my ear and before i can even curse at whoever's calling . i hear some guy i don't know saying ." kick them this way ," then i got a gun ." then nothing .
"from my perspective , not necessarily a good thing to wake up to .' kick them this way . i got a gun ." i check caller ID . it says it was you . but i was ninety nine percent sure it hadn't been you talking . i admit i'm confused - it's early , i'm foggy and i'd been thjinking you should be asleep in other room .
360 deadtime
oden arranged for jaaana to recieve prenatal checkup at a free clinic migrants . her pregnancy was uncomplicated . he visited the ranch on his days off . when he was there , he doted on her . but he slept in the second bedroom .
jaanaenjoyed her new home . she was as wary of seeing strangers as oden was . unlike her friend's decrepit shack , the ranch house was relative3ly modern , and air conditioned . she had a tekevision . other than the isolation -oden refused to let her have a phone3 or a computer - she convinced hereself that she was better off in kingman than she had been in bullhead city .
her baby would be in a citizen .
a month before jaana was due , oden quit his job with the park service so he could be with her , he moved into the house in kingman . he convinced himelf that she was warming to him . he udsed his freee time to take courses to become an insurance agent .
jaana give birth to a son with the aid of a midwife .
almost immediately after the child was born , lincoln oden knew that everything had changed for jaana .
he had conversations with himself . they all eneded with him telling himself he should walk aawway . that hisplan hadn't worked .
he didn't walk away .
the day that jaaana's friend arrrived to rescue her from her captivity in ikingman , oden was parked out of sight , waiting , jaana thought he was in town , on errands .he'd parked in thesame spot down the road every ime he'd left the ranch for five days . expecting that the estonian girlfriend would come .
when oden drove away from the little ranch an hour later , the baby asleep in his infant carrier in the middle of the backseat of the car .
jaana and hr friend were in the trunk .
jaanaenjoyed her new home . she was as wary of seeing strangers as oden was . unlike her friend's decrepit shack , the ranch house was relative3ly modern , and air conditioned . she had a tekevision . other than the isolation -oden refused to let her have a phone3 or a computer - she convinced hereself that she was better off in kingman than she had been in bullhead city .
her baby would be in a citizen .
a month before jaana was due , oden quit his job with the park service so he could be with her , he moved into the house in kingman . he convinced himelf that she was warming to him . he udsed his freee time to take courses to become an insurance agent .
jaana give birth to a son with the aid of a midwife .
almost immediately after the child was born , lincoln oden knew that everything had changed for jaana .
he had conversations with himself . they all eneded with him telling himself he should walk aawway . that hisplan hadn't worked .
he didn't walk away .
the day that jaaana's friend arrrived to rescue her from her captivity in ikingman , oden was parked out of sight , waiting , jaana thought he was in town , on errands .he'd parked in thesame spot down the road every ime he'd left the ranch for five days . expecting that the estonian girlfriend would come .
when oden drove away from the little ranch an hour later , the baby asleep in his infant carrier in the middle of the backseat of the car .
jaana and hr friend were in the trunk .
359 deadtime
. "you can't stay herre ." oden said to jaana ." your friend is already in trouble . if you're discovered here with her ....you'lll both be deported .
"she has a green card ."
"it won't portect her if she 's helping you hide ."
"i stay inside ." she said .
"i found you . someone else will find yoy too . you can't stay here with her ."
"i have no money ."
i can help."
jaana couldn't resist the urge to place a hand on her belly .
"you have a baby to consider ," lincoln oden said , his eyes following her hand . oden had calculated that he had about five months to get jaana peet to fall in love with him ." if i can keep you hidden until the basby his born , your child will be a US citizen , that changes everythhing ."
she asked ." why should trust you ?"
he flipped open his badge wallet ." because i could take you into custody7 . i should take you into custody ." he put the walllet away ." the quesion is , can i trut you ? if i dopn't putr you in the car right now and take you in . i will be as vulnerable as you are . maybe even more ."
"why woulsd yopu help me ?"
"i think what hew did was wrong . the baby sdeserves a chance . so do you ."
three days later . oden found the little ranch kingman . arizona . two days aftrr that . he moved jaana from bullhead city .he helped her a good bye note to her friend . in the note , she said she's met someone who woulsd hlp . she would be in touch .
the arrangement in kingman worked fine for a few monthss . jana was relieved that he could go out side - the closest neighbors lived a quarter of a mile away .
"she has a green card ."
"it won't portect her if she 's helping you hide ."
"i stay inside ." she said .
"i found you . someone else will find yoy too . you can't stay here with her ."
"i have no money ."
i can help."
jaana couldn't resist the urge to place a hand on her belly .
"you have a baby to consider ," lincoln oden said , his eyes following her hand . oden had calculated that he had about five months to get jaana peet to fall in love with him ." if i can keep you hidden until the basby his born , your child will be a US citizen , that changes everythhing ."
she asked ." why should trust you ?"
he flipped open his badge wallet ." because i could take you into custody7 . i should take you into custody ." he put the walllet away ." the quesion is , can i trut you ? if i dopn't putr you in the car right now and take you in . i will be as vulnerable as you are . maybe even more ."
"why woulsd yopu help me ?"
"i think what hew did was wrong . the baby sdeserves a chance . so do you ."
three days later . oden found the little ranch kingman . arizona . two days aftrr that . he moved jaana from bullhead city .he helped her a good bye note to her friend . in the note , she said she's met someone who woulsd hlp . she would be in touch .
the arrangement in kingman worked fine for a few monthss . jana was relieved that he could go out side - the closest neighbors lived a quarter of a mile away .
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
358 deadtime
probably in a daypack she'd stashed inside her backpack . she had hiked out , probably on the bright angel trail , the route to the south rim , in the dark .
based on his investgation , oden thought he had a pretty goood idea where jaana had gone .
on his first day off after the search was called off because of the flash flood , oden staked out jaana 's estonian friend's rented hiome on the outskirts of bullheafd city , he watched jaana's friend leave for work . less than an hour latewr , he watched jaaaana's friend for work .less than an hour later , he spotted jaana , she was hanging laundry in the fenced backyard .
another day and a half of obserc=vation conviunced him that jaana was hiding . for oden , that was good news .
he returned and watched her on his days off during the next two weeks , she never left the property .
the third week , he waited for her friend to leave for work and for jaana to step outside . late morning she rolled a trash can to the street . she didn't raise her eyes as he stepped out of his car , but she spun to get back inside the house as fast as she could .
"i can help ." he said to her back from thirty feet away ." i can help you ."
she took two more steps before she turned to see who had spoken . her hand flew to her mouth to cover her gasp . she recognized him .
the faxct that dshe had recognized him felt like a gift to oden .
"i can help ." he said ."i'd like to help . i knowq what he tried to do to you . i understand what you did . why you did it ."
she invited him in . she didn't feel she had a choice .
to oden , the little house where she was living looked like it was begging to be scraped from the earth . in its thirty-five years of existence . too much maintenaqnce had been deferred . the esert haqdn't been kind .
based on his investgation , oden thought he had a pretty goood idea where jaana had gone .
on his first day off after the search was called off because of the flash flood , oden staked out jaana 's estonian friend's rented hiome on the outskirts of bullheafd city , he watched jaana's friend leave for work . less than an hour latewr , he watched jaaaana's friend for work .less than an hour later , he spotted jaana , she was hanging laundry in the fenced backyard .
another day and a half of obserc=vation conviunced him that jaana was hiding . for oden , that was good news .
he returned and watched her on his days off during the next two weeks , she never left the property .
the third week , he waited for her friend to leave for work and for jaana to step outside . late morning she rolled a trash can to the street . she didn't raise her eyes as he stepped out of his car , but she spun to get back inside the house as fast as she could .
"i can help ." he said to her back from thirty feet away ." i can help you ."
she took two more steps before she turned to see who had spoken . her hand flew to her mouth to cover her gasp . she recognized him .
the faxct that dshe had recognized him felt like a gift to oden .
"i can help ." he said ."i'd like to help . i knowq what he tried to do to you . i understand what you did . why you did it ."
she invited him in . she didn't feel she had a choice .
to oden , the little house where she was living looked like it was begging to be scraped from the earth . in its thirty-five years of existence . too much maintenaqnce had been deferred . the esert haqdn't been kind .
357 deadtime
sixty one
. the canyon
lincoln oden knew jaana peet . during the time they both worked on the north rim , oden had talked with jaaana whenever he coulds manufacture a reason to do so .he had invited her out on dates three different times . each invitation was more awkward than the one before .
she had turned him down all three times .
oden fantasized that his assigment to coordinate the search left him an opportunity to be heroic . he would find jaana . save her . she would be grateful . they would go out . they would fall in love , they would marry . in his fantasy , oden didn't seriously consider the possibility that jaana wouldn't be grateful to him .
but onece he finished interviewing niclolas paulson , oden began to consider the possibility that jaana hadn't disappeared into the colortado river at all , but rather that she had chosen to disappear , periods .
two additional facts helped confirme his suspicion , jaana 's hiking boots had not been recovered along with hert other belongings . and the amount of water that could have been carried in the containers found at her campsite was barely sufficient to accommodate two people making a rim to floor journey in the august heat .
he concluded that jaana had worn the boots and carried themissing water bottles .
. the canyon
lincoln oden knew jaana peet . during the time they both worked on the north rim , oden had talked with jaaana whenever he coulds manufacture a reason to do so .he had invited her out on dates three different times . each invitation was more awkward than the one before .
she had turned him down all three times .
oden fantasized that his assigment to coordinate the search left him an opportunity to be heroic . he would find jaana . save her . she would be grateful . they would go out . they would fall in love , they would marry . in his fantasy , oden didn't seriously consider the possibility that jaana wouldn't be grateful to him .
but onece he finished interviewing niclolas paulson , oden began to consider the possibility that jaana hadn't disappeared into the colortado river at all , but rather that she had chosen to disappear , periods .
two additional facts helped confirme his suspicion , jaana 's hiking boots had not been recovered along with hert other belongings . and the amount of water that could have been carried in the containers found at her campsite was barely sufficient to accommodate two people making a rim to floor journey in the august heat .
he concluded that jaana had worn the boots and carried themissing water bottles .
356 deadtime
oh no , i thought as recognition landed on me sooftly , like a mosquito alighting on my nose . oh no .
LeeeeeeeeeeeeeeS aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
li-sa .
amy's screams from the backseat of the camry had been her way of trying to tell that lisa in the damn trunk . i'd missed it .
over and over again , i'd missed it
"it's lisa ?" i asked sam .
"when am,y regained consciousness in the chopper , the first thing she wanted to know was if we got lisa put of he trunk ."
LeeeeeeeeeeeeeeS aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
li-sa .
amy's screams from the backseat of the camry had been her way of trying to tell that lisa in the damn trunk . i'd missed it .
over and over again , i'd missed it
"it's lisa ?" i asked sam .
"when am,y regained consciousness in the chopper , the first thing she wanted to know was if we got lisa put of he trunk ."
355 deadtime
. " where the hell is the - got it ! got it ! go , go ! "
the trunk flew open . both cops disappeared from my view .
one yelled ." medic ! now ! oh jesus . now ! "
a second paramedic appeared in the open doorway of the ambulance , he said ," the other rig's gone . we're itr .is he stable ?"
he was asking about me .
the woman who had started my IV looked at him , then back at me . i could tell she was as baffled as i was. the male paramedic didn't get agitated . in a calm voice he said ," kathy7y ? we have a critical . is he stable ?"
"i'm stable ," i said . i slid onto the jump seat sam had vacated "take the stretcher ."
kathy got with the plan . together the two paramedics yanked the stretcher from the rig , piled equipment onto the sheets , and sprinted toward the half dozen law enforcement people clustered behind the camry .
i unhooked the saline bag from above me and climed down from the back of the ambulance , suspending the bag above my head with my left hand . the asphalt felt soft bebeathy my feet , as though it were padded . the heat radiating up from the black macadam was ,literally , breathtaking .
i styarted to jog toward the camry .
sam had backed away from the car to give the local cops and the paramedics room to work . he saw me approaching . he held up a hand to keep me from edging any closer .
"there 's another woman ," he said ," in the trunk ."
i blinked , and woman ? my mind settled on jaana . my heart sank .
"alive ?" i said .
he swallowed ."maybe , not very ."
i heartd the distant thwop - thwop -thwop of the evavuation chopper .
this time the helicopter was getting closer , coming back.
"eeeeeaaaaaaa."
the trunk flew open . both cops disappeared from my view .
one yelled ." medic ! now ! oh jesus . now ! "
a second paramedic appeared in the open doorway of the ambulance , he said ," the other rig's gone . we're itr .is he stable ?"
he was asking about me .
the woman who had started my IV looked at him , then back at me . i could tell she was as baffled as i was. the male paramedic didn't get agitated . in a calm voice he said ," kathy7y ? we have a critical . is he stable ?"
"i'm stable ," i said . i slid onto the jump seat sam had vacated "take the stretcher ."
kathy got with the plan . together the two paramedics yanked the stretcher from the rig , piled equipment onto the sheets , and sprinted toward the half dozen law enforcement people clustered behind the camry .
i unhooked the saline bag from above me and climed down from the back of the ambulance , suspending the bag above my head with my left hand . the asphalt felt soft bebeathy my feet , as though it were padded . the heat radiating up from the black macadam was ,literally , breathtaking .
i styarted to jog toward the camry .
sam had backed away from the car to give the local cops and the paramedics room to work . he saw me approaching . he held up a hand to keep me from edging any closer .
"there 's another woman ," he said ," in the trunk ."
i blinked , and woman ? my mind settled on jaana . my heart sank .
"alive ?" i said .
he swallowed ."maybe , not very ."
i heartd the distant thwop - thwop -thwop of the evavuation chopper .
this time the helicopter was getting closer , coming back.
"eeeeeaaaaaaa."
354 deadtime
. a blast of thwop- thwoop - thwop - thwop from the revving blades of the departing helico-pter intruded , providing cover for the involuntary "ouch" i squealed as she adjusted the positioning of the cathether .
"it 's in ," she said ." we'll have you hydrated lickety - split ."
"i didn't know you were such a wimp ," sam said .
i said , "i don't like needles . i don't understand what you're saying . chloe and ramona? come on tell me ."
sam o;pened his mouth and then closed it as the pulsating popping of the helicoopter blades grew louder . i watched the chopper speed past us a h8nd5red yards away at about ten o'clock . it was only fifty feet above the ground when it banked , climbed , and disappeared from views as though it had been yankedaway by the gods .
"i wish i knew how to do that ," sam said .
the EMT from california city taped the catheter in place .
sam opened his mouth again to tell about chloe and ramona . again , he closed it .the intrusion the second tomt was the roar of a highway patrol cruiserr blasting past the ambulance . the cop car was demonstrating a shopw of speed wort of a street racer on a friday night , the howl of the car's big engine exploded in my ears for only a second before the ddriver jammed hard on his brakes and sqealed the car to a stop five feet from the camry .
sam was on the move before i could make amy sense of what i was seeing .
the camry was baking in the sun right where it had stopped rolling . it looked like a wounded animal dying slowly in the desert heat . all four doors were open . the right front tire was deflated .
i sat up ,"what's going on ?" i said .
sam was jumping down from the ambulance . he hit the ground running toward the camry .
i yelled at his back ," what is it ?"
two highway patrol troopers hopped out of thecruiser . one ran to the back of the camry , the other to the driver's door .
"pop it ! , pop it! pop it ! " the cop at the trunk yelled .
"it 's in ," she said ." we'll have you hydrated lickety - split ."
"i didn't know you were such a wimp ," sam said .
i said , "i don't like needles . i don't understand what you're saying . chloe and ramona? come on tell me ."
sam o;pened his mouth and then closed it as the pulsating popping of the helicoopter blades grew louder . i watched the chopper speed past us a h8nd5red yards away at about ten o'clock . it was only fifty feet above the ground when it banked , climbed , and disappeared from views as though it had been yankedaway by the gods .
"i wish i knew how to do that ," sam said .
the EMT from california city taped the catheter in place .
sam opened his mouth again to tell about chloe and ramona . again , he closed it .the intrusion the second tomt was the roar of a highway patrol cruiserr blasting past the ambulance . the cop car was demonstrating a shopw of speed wort of a street racer on a friday night , the howl of the car's big engine exploded in my ears for only a second before the ddriver jammed hard on his brakes and sqealed the car to a stop five feet from the camry .
sam was on the move before i could make amy sense of what i was seeing .
the camry was baking in the sun right where it had stopped rolling . it looked like a wounded animal dying slowly in the desert heat . all four doors were open . the right front tire was deflated .
i sat up ,"what's going on ?" i said .
sam was jumping down from the ambulance . he hit the ground running toward the camry .
i yelled at his back ," what is it ?"
two highway patrol troopers hopped out of thecruiser . one ran to the back of the camry , the other to the driver's door .
"pop it ! , pop it! pop it ! " the cop at the trunk yelled .
353 deadtime
out of my sight , on the far side of the rise in the highway , i'd heard the chopper arrive moments before . sam saif that amy was breathing . that's all he knew about her condition . he asked me to tell him what happened .
i gave him the hightlights of what i recallled from the moment i first heard oden's oice in the garage in tarzana . helistened to my choppy tale without any questions . when i was all done he said , "wait . you're telling me you hypnotized the poor girl and then she stopped breathing ? i don't know whether that makes you the second coming of franz mesmer or a complete quack ."
i was shocked that sam knew anything about franz mesmer-mesmer was an mjineteenth century german physician whom many consider the father of hypnosis . but , i also had enough of my wits to know that i lacked sufficient brainpower to engaage in any repartee with sam about nineteenth century mental health practitioners .
"where are we ?" i asked him .
"couldn't tell you exactly . the cop i've been hanging with is from randsburg ."
"never heard of it ," i said , as though it were important that i had .
sam turned to the paramedic ." where are you from ?" he asked her .
"california city ," she said .
i'd never heard of california city , either .
sam said ," this piece of paradise you're looking at "- he gestured outside - "is the mojave desert . not too far from death valley . you might have noticed it's a little warm ." hepaused ." but ay least it's a dry heat ."
waht a friend i have , i thought .
"how the hell did you find us , sam ?"
"the girls . chloe and ramona ."
the paramedict from california was finally content that my wrist was antiseptic . she gripped a needle and leaned over my raqm ."little stick coming ," she said , i winced as the point pierced myskin .
i gave him the hightlights of what i recallled from the moment i first heard oden's oice in the garage in tarzana . helistened to my choppy tale without any questions . when i was all done he said , "wait . you're telling me you hypnotized the poor girl and then she stopped breathing ? i don't know whether that makes you the second coming of franz mesmer or a complete quack ."
i was shocked that sam knew anything about franz mesmer-mesmer was an mjineteenth century german physician whom many consider the father of hypnosis . but , i also had enough of my wits to know that i lacked sufficient brainpower to engaage in any repartee with sam about nineteenth century mental health practitioners .
"where are we ?" i asked him .
"couldn't tell you exactly . the cop i've been hanging with is from randsburg ."
"never heard of it ," i said , as though it were important that i had .
sam turned to the paramedic ." where are you from ?" he asked her .
"california city ," she said .
i'd never heard of california city , either .
sam said ," this piece of paradise you're looking at "- he gestured outside - "is the mojave desert . not too far from death valley . you might have noticed it's a little warm ." hepaused ." but ay least it's a dry heat ."
waht a friend i have , i thought .
"how the hell did you find us , sam ?"
"the girls . chloe and ramona ."
the paramedict from california was finally content that my wrist was antiseptic . she gripped a needle and leaned over my raqm ."little stick coming ," she said , i winced as the point pierced myskin .
352 deadtime
. sixty
sam helped me onto the trecher . he leaned over me so that his big head blotted out the radiance from the sun . from my perspective it was like looking up at a solar eclipse .\
:you know who he is ? sam asked .
i said ," yeah , you do too . lincolnoden ."
"he kidnapped you in tarzana ?"
"i think . he knocked me out ."
"the girl?"
"that's amy ."
"ah ," sam said ." the fucking beguiler . the paramedics have her - a chopper's omn the way .i'll catch up to you again in ainute . aln , you did good ."
a few minutes later sam joined me in the bavck of the ambulance that had been the primary prop in the ambush of oden . he made himself at home beside me . at my request the ambulance doors were wide open desite the heat . i didn't want to feel confined again .even a little . sam took over the job of cuttingg and yanking the tape off my wrists amnd ankles . a paramedic - a real one , not a cop pretending to be one - was on the other side of me . she had a catheter prepped and ready , waiting for sam to finish cleatring my wirst of tape so she could start an IV .
i said ," amy ?"
sam explained that she was being loaded into the medical evacuation helicopter some distance down the road ,
sam helped me onto the trecher . he leaned over me so that his big head blotted out the radiance from the sun . from my perspective it was like looking up at a solar eclipse .\
:you know who he is ? sam asked .
i said ," yeah , you do too . lincolnoden ."
"he kidnapped you in tarzana ?"
"i think . he knocked me out ."
"the girl?"
"that's amy ."
"ah ," sam said ." the fucking beguiler . the paramedics have her - a chopper's omn the way .i'll catch up to you again in ainute . aln , you did good ."
a few minutes later sam joined me in the bavck of the ambulance that had been the primary prop in the ambush of oden . he made himself at home beside me . at my request the ambulance doors were wide open desite the heat . i didn't want to feel confined again .even a little . sam took over the job of cuttingg and yanking the tape off my wrists amnd ankles . a paramedic - a real one , not a cop pretending to be one - was on the other side of me . she had a catheter prepped and ready , waiting for sam to finish cleatring my wirst of tape so she could start an IV .
i said ," amy ?"
sam explained that she was being loaded into the medical evacuation helicopter some distance down the road ,
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