.. for a moment , i thought alan was going to embrace me after he got over his shock . but he held back .
i lowered my voice ." i'm sorry too , " i said ." i know you loved her ."
when alan failed to step in for an embrace i held out my left hand toward him , palm -down , as if offering to grasp his hand in a restaurant gesture of compassion . the move was calculated . and no , it wasn't that i was worried that i wasn't at the top of his hug list that day . most days , the man would hug anyone . i didn't want to move in because i wanted to give him a chance to spot my new engagement ring . i preferred not to have to tell him .
that was insight .
insight is a lovely thing . like the diamond adorning the fourth ingr of my left hand , it is often useless . but lovely nonetheless .
i thought alan would take my hand , but he didn't . his right hand and wrist were encased in a sky blue cast . he reached out for me instead . i shouldn't have been surprised - he usually did . reach first , that is we embraced , an act at once habitual and unsettling . slipping into his grasp was around me , and his fingers- at least those on his uncasted hand - pressed acrossed my shoulder blades , i could feel his body shudder a little .
that brought back memies too .
he saaid ," it's such a tragedly . what happened in israel . i miss her so much .
he hadn't noticed the ring ." i know ," i said ." you have a cast on your arm ."
" i broke my hand . it's nothing ."
i wanted to tell him about the baby . and about te wedding .
my narcissism governess - she was a psychological fiction i'd created to assist with my ego-observation challenges -awoke from her slumber just in time to spare me from myself .
"later would beter ," the bitch whispered in that gravelly aggravating , know-it-all voice of hers .
i lowered my voice ." i'm sorry too , " i said ." i know you loved her ."
when alan failed to step in for an embrace i held out my left hand toward him , palm -down , as if offering to grasp his hand in a restaurant gesture of compassion . the move was calculated . and no , it wasn't that i was worried that i wasn't at the top of his hug list that day . most days , the man would hug anyone . i didn't want to move in because i wanted to give him a chance to spot my new engagement ring . i preferred not to have to tell him .
that was insight .
insight is a lovely thing . like the diamond adorning the fourth ingr of my left hand , it is often useless . but lovely nonetheless .
i thought alan would take my hand , but he didn't . his right hand and wrist were encased in a sky blue cast . he reached out for me instead . i shouldn't have been surprised - he usually did . reach first , that is we embraced , an act at once habitual and unsettling . slipping into his grasp was around me , and his fingers- at least those on his uncasted hand - pressed acrossed my shoulder blades , i could feel his body shudder a little .
that brought back memies too .
he saaid ," it's such a tragedly . what happened in israel . i miss her so much .
he hadn't noticed the ring ." i know ," i said ." you have a cast on your arm ."
" i broke my hand . it's nothing ."
i wanted to tell him about the baby . and about te wedding .
my narcissism governess - she was a psychological fiction i'd created to assist with my ego-observation challenges -awoke from her slumber just in time to spare me from myself .
"later would beter ," the bitch whispered in that gravelly aggravating , know-it-all voice of hers .
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