. "are you happy , merideth ?" i tried to ask the question in a way that might bring the conversation back from the coasts , back down below the stratosphere . the events of the previous few weeks , culminating in adrienne's death , had left me in desperate need of gravity . i didn't have any energy to spare for celebrity guessing games with my ex .
"eric's younger than me . us . " she laughed ." he helps me feel young , yes , i am happy ."
she stressed the verb form of to be in a way that thought was overdetermined - rather than convincin me , the odd emphasis with which she colored the world ened up injecting some doubt into my appraisal of her actual contentedness . i cautioned myself that all the historical complications of my time together with merdeth might have been altering my perceptions . she and i had baggage .
.
diane told me that you're going to raise jonas ," she said . " i don't know lauren , of course , but i certainly understand why adrienne chose you you ."
" thank you ," i said ." lauren is a a terrific mom ."
she lifted her wrist and glanced at her watch . the timepiece was on her left wrist , a reality thayt allowed her to display her engagement ring every time she felt the impulse to check the time . it felt unkind that i doubted that the watch placement was a coincidence .
" i'm sorry , " she said ,." but i have to get back to DIA , security these days , you know ? stay in touch , okay ?" she looked at me with a sincere face that i'd once fallen for every time ." you will ?"
i wouldn't stay in touch . neither wouls she . we'd been divorced a long time . we hadn't stayed in touch .
" sure ." i said ." take care of that baby . thanks for coming today . it would mean a lot to adrienne ."
i watched her rush down the lane . pregnant and on three-inch heels , her balance never wavered .
in six or seven months , lauren and i would get a birth announcement .
we would send something nice , merideth would consider the gift quaint . the circle would close around boulder again , at least for a while . my ex-wife would be oputside the perimeter .
"eric's younger than me . us . " she laughed ." he helps me feel young , yes , i am happy ."
she stressed the verb form of to be in a way that thought was overdetermined - rather than convincin me , the odd emphasis with which she colored the world ened up injecting some doubt into my appraisal of her actual contentedness . i cautioned myself that all the historical complications of my time together with merdeth might have been altering my perceptions . she and i had baggage .
.
diane told me that you're going to raise jonas ," she said . " i don't know lauren , of course , but i certainly understand why adrienne chose you you ."
" thank you ," i said ." lauren is a a terrific mom ."
she lifted her wrist and glanced at her watch . the timepiece was on her left wrist , a reality thayt allowed her to display her engagement ring every time she felt the impulse to check the time . it felt unkind that i doubted that the watch placement was a coincidence .
" i'm sorry , " she said ,." but i have to get back to DIA , security these days , you know ? stay in touch , okay ?" she looked at me with a sincere face that i'd once fallen for every time ." you will ?"
i wouldn't stay in touch . neither wouls she . we'd been divorced a long time . we hadn't stayed in touch .
" sure ." i said ." take care of that baby . thanks for coming today . it would mean a lot to adrienne ."
i watched her rush down the lane . pregnant and on three-inch heels , her balance never wavered .
in six or seven months , lauren and i would get a birth announcement .
we would send something nice , merideth would consider the gift quaint . the circle would close around boulder again , at least for a while . my ex-wife would be oputside the perimeter .
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