153 deadtime

. twenty- seven
 his ex
stevie refused to help me search for her sister .
eric . too . remaind unconvinced that lisa's absence constituted a crisis ." she neeeds a little time . she'll be in touch ," he told me ." don't worry so much ."
"but- " i'd say , before he' interrrupt me right back .
" she doesn't want our baby . she can have one of her own whenever she wants ."
then where the hell is she ?
beisdes being a teacher , eric was a policy consultant . he counseled big business and famous politicians and goverments of all stripes . he rarely told me what he told any of them . but me ? for me he usually counseled patience . at face value , in these circumstances , it was a reasonble position . but  when i pressed the fact that lisa was carrying our child in her womb , her failure to stay in touch with us for even a few days seemed like the most unreasonable act imaginable .
being patient did not seem reasonable . barely even posssible .
i tried to counter my natural impulse , which was to demand that riec see things from my perspective , instead endeavoring with all my might to allow him to enjoy the prime spot at the front of our nascent family 's very short line . he was reminding me every day -  twice some days .

151-152 deadtime

.  the next itme would be to tell me that joans had decided not to return to boulder at all .
if the last thing happened - i f amrty tried to hijack my son - i would have to answer to adrienne . she would be sitting in her heavenly perch witnessing . what was happening down on earth . she wouldn't be pleased . i imagined that she would display her dissatisfaction by cossing  over to the celestial dark side . she would track down whomever uo there was in charge of the launching and targeting of meterorites , and she would order one with sharp edges sent my way .
i gave you one thing to do , bubela . one thing - look after my kid . and wht do you do ? after three months , you lose him to my schmuck brother . .oy .
i decided that fifteen minutes of alone time was a lot for a hypomanic puppy . despite  thequite , i  hafd a nagging concern that the havanese wasn't merely napping someplace she didn't belong -like on my pillow - but that she was up to something nefarious . i walked down  the hall to bedroom .
the  dog , it turmned out , had not beeen sleeping . she had been quite busy .
shredding . as far as i could  tell , she had sliced up much of the june issue of th atlantic . it had been on my side of the bed . while the dog had beeen on lauren's side of the bed , she had been even more industrious . she had completely destroyed the blueprints of the floor palns for jonas's remodeled room in the basement , as well as the grossy covers , front and back , of three design magazines that lauren had been using for inspiration for the transformation .
i have had dogs for most of my life . i had never seen anything that even approximated the quality of the destructive work this tenpund bundle of silky white and black hair had accomplished in less than a quarter hour of determined razoring . she hadn't ripped the papers apart , leaving big chunks here and there somehing emily used to do during her destructive puppy pahse . nor had the puppy taken the magazines or documents in  her mouth and shaken them as though she were tryoing to throttle a chipmunk . leaving the paper in crumoled , saliva - drenched clumps .
she had methodically shredded them into small pieces as though she were intent on mimicking the work of a crosscut shredder . the bits that remained , less than a centimeter square , were not strewn about . she'd left them approximately where she'd shredded them . the activity was not about random destruction , it seemed to be about enjoyment of the shredding .
i stood at the foot of the bed in awe of her work .
she wass prond of it too . her tial , curled above her ass like a long mink apostrop[he , was flying to and fro . her little butt dance back and forth in counterpoint .

150 deadtime

we can fly back to colorado together , i  said .  i wnated jonas to undrstand that he could change the day to day rules of our relationship if he needeed to ,  but that any shortterm evolution he threw at me wouldn't change my commitment to him .
" maybe ....i was , you know ...." he kicked the rock and skipped  quickly ahead to catch up with it . i lenghthened my stride a little so i could keep up . he went on ," maybe  ican ....i was just thinking ....i could fly back ...by myself .i'm old enough , i think .aunt kim will make sure i get on the right palne ." he swung his leg extra hard and whacked the stone a good fifty feet down the lane .
no skipping that time . he ran after it in full sprint .
the kid had speed . who knew ? you could have used a calendar to time his mother in the hundred meter dash . peter , jonas's birth father , had beeen  nimble . jonas mu8st have gotten his dad's quickness .
" maybe you can ," i  said to his back ." should we wait and see ...... how feel about it a couple more days ? there 's no hurry ."he pulled to a stop when he reached the stone , turned toward me , bit his lower lip . and looked at me eyes ." yeah . let's . " he waited for me to reach him .
i said ." you like your cousin , don't you ?"
he smiled and nodded .
i got chills . hey , adrienne . maybe they are'nt dweeds . who'd have thunk it ?
on the train back into the city later that night i considered many things . i wondered whetther i should have acquieced to marty 's insistence  that jonas make an extented visist east that first summer , so soon after his mother's death . i wondered whether jonas's newfound attachment to his mother's extented family was artificial or real . i wondered , too , whether , despite jonas 's wishes , i should stay in the city .
just in case things turned to shit .
and of course i wondered whther marty would be callling me in some number of days to once again suggest that he i talk .

149 deadtime

i felt a compelling need to see his eyes . he wasn't giving me a chance . i waited a few moments before i asked ." how are you sleeping ?"
he knew what i was asking . from the day i brought him home to spainish hills from tel aviv , jonas had grown progressively anxious as bedtime neared , it could take him hours to fall asleep .
"okay ," he said ." the same maybe ."
"still trouble falling asleep ?"
 he looked up atr me and nodded .
"anything , i can do to help ?"
"don't think so ."
i'sd already made a judgment that , despite kim's cooking , jnas's appetite hadn't improved . he was as thin as i'd ever seem him .
the fact that he seeemed to be getting along well with his cousins was , in contrast , a great piece of news , the first real sign that the initial bruises from his trauma might be begining  to change colors .
"i want to be clear . you're telling me that you  don't want to come to the city anyone ?"
"yeah ."
" and you want to go back home , jonas ? to bouldr ?"he kicked the rock again . i realized at that moment that my stepson apppeared to be left -footed . i'd had no idead . he was right -handed . i had so much catching up to do .
including some reading on mixed dominance .
"i think so ," he said finally ." yeah . you can go back to colorado ."
it was a gutsy  move for the kid in so many ways . since his mother's death i had been his security blanket , and he was sending me away . he was either oblivious to my feelings about his decidsion , which was good , or confident enough in my relationship  with him that he felt he could risk my risk my reaction , which was better . i hoped it was the latter .
i tried to make my next words render ." i if i do go to boulder , i'll come back out and get you whenever you want . and i'll be here for sure when your visit it over .

147 deadtimeson

          twenty-six
i hadn't been aware of being homesick , so i was surprised at how thrilled i was to be back in boulder .
when i walked in the the door of my house after my extended so journ in new york  the three dogs greeted me like a returning hero for about ten minutes  . at the point they realized thta it was oi who had deserted them . they cut the celebratory dance short and began to mope , the two larger dogs choosing places to sleep so that their butts , and nt their eyes , were turned in my direction .
i knew from experience that the older two , the bouvier and the miniature poodle , would come around again by their next meal .
with the puppy , though - the new havanese that adrienne had given jonas - i didn't know what to expect . after the joy of my arrivl home had subsided ,she'd departed the herd and isappeared toward the master bedroom . for a few minutes i listened for sounds of mischief coming from that di4ection , but discerned nothing worrisome . i figured she had sacked out on the bed .
pupies sleep a lot . although it had been a feew yuears since we'd had one , that's what i remembered .
my bagels- and coffee breakfast meeting with marty in manhattan had been folllowed later the same day by dinner with marty's family in white palins , jonas was there with hhis cousin , whom he seemed to adore . kim was a fine cook . i could tell she had gone to a lot of trouble preparing the meal .
i 'd taken the train to white palins  grom gand  central  . kim met at the =station in a honda minivan that was  , i couldn't think  of a better word , trashed . toys , balls , snack residue , clothes - lots of clothes - shoes , old newspaers , homework papers , school books . an ironi9c copy of real simple .
kim seeemed oblivious to th  fact that she was driving pigpen's car around town .
i pushed just enough stuff off the passenger seat to make room to sit . and accumulation of brown goo on the seat -belt latch worried me more than a little .
before dinner , jonas and i took a long walk so thta i would have a chance to convince myself that his heart wasn't torn about what he had decided he wanted to do .
at  chaotic bagel bar in mahattan that morning marty had told me that jonas had concluded that he was okay in whit palins by himself for the remainder of his stay , and that he didn't think he wante  to visit me in the city again .
to give narty credit - not my natureal inclination - hae had not been gloating while we had bialys and coffee in the city . still , i told marty i wanrted tio hear the news from jonas .
marty invited me to dinner so i would have an oppprtunity to do just that .
five minutes into my walk with jonas he told me i could go home to boulder .
 the sentiment felt real ." you're cool here ?"  i said ." you don't think you wanated to come to the city agaimn ?"
"i like it here . i can  see you bck home ," he said ."i'm having a good time ."
he wasn't looking at me when he spoke .
jonas was kicking a rock about the size of a golf ball . each swat carried it froward five or six feet . just before he told me  he'd see me in boulder , he kicked it two or three times , skipping it forward more than ten feet each time .

146 deadtime

.  sam said ," sure , why the hell not ? i'll give merideth a call . see what she has in mind , with simon gone i can use the distraction got her number ?"
i gave him merideth 's mobile munber . i added ," she can be difficult ."
"i think i caqn handle it . i'm not calling her for company ."
"  she's changed  , sam  . grown up ."i recognized my ambivalence - i'd gone from warning sam about my ex one minute , to defending her next . there wasn't a particularly compelling rationable for either inclination .
"doesn't matter a whit to me ," he said ." i hardly knew the woman before she was new and improved ."
jonas' uncle maryty called my mobile less than an hour later as i was climbing out of subway , at my way to rau hill . i had to scamper up the long flight of stairs to get a strong enough signal to use my phone . my hearet was racing . not from the exertion of trhe climb , but because the call was unexpected .
marty hadn't called me once since i'd arrived in new ypork .
tell me jonas is okay . tell me ." marty , you there ? can you hear me ?"
"alan , yeah , yeah . fine ."
" what's up ? is jona okay ?"
"jonas ? great . listen .... um .  we should talk . i'll be taking the train  into the city tomorrow for a meeting . how about we grab a bagel someplace near grand central ?"

145 deadtime

" do you know her parents , sam ? the poteets ? walace and cassandra ?"
"he 's a shrink ? i wouldn't know him unless i met him with you . maybe i arrested him once . where do thewy live ?" .
"shanahan ridge . not too far below  NCAR  ." i said N-CAR  , not N C A R  . sam knew i was talking about the national center for atmopheric research in boulder . I.M  oai jhad designed the complex  to evoke an anasazi ruin . NCAR  sits on a high plateau above the southwest tip pf boulder on what is probably the fines single piece of real estate in the county , maybe even the finest parcel in the whole eastern side of the state .
sam said " i can't  tell from your story - did you end up talking to their daughter ? what ? carmel ?"
"yeah , it's carmel . cara . but no , i haven't spoken with her , and i'm not sure i'll get the chance ." i expalined  the situation with wallace and cassandra , and their concern about revisiting the grand canyon  trip with their daughter .
" there's no crime here , right ? you're not leaving soeything out of the story ? this isn't police work ?i can't .....do that ."
"i've only seen madia reports merideth prvided from the time the woman disappeared , sam . there 's no mention of a crime in any of them . everything i've read makes what happened sound like a disappearance , maybe an accident ."
" no body ?"
"nobody ?" i asked , confused .
"not nobody ." no corpus . that kind of no body ."
" noyt that , either . not according to what i've seen ."
a kid whizzed around the corner on a motorized scooter and stopped fifteen feet past the stoop . the minuscule motor on the scooter was belching blue smioke and whinning like a baby with colic . the kid - i guessed he was twelve or thirteen - had stopped in the direct glare of the sun and seemed immune to its power to melt flesh . he kept  glancing my way as he tinkered with the motor . i thought he was stalling while he decided whther the reason i was hanging in his neiborhood was someything that merited his attention .

144 deadtime

. but it was clear that i had not been creative enough to recognize how easily merideth and sam were going to finess the details of the arrangement she was contemplating -specifically , how they woul;d get around the whole P.L licensing problem that looked so imposing to me .
sam spied the opening in the fabric of the ethica'/legal  fence immediatly .
if sam was interested in the work she was proposing , and if merideth continued to thuink he was best person to help her , i didn't want to screw things up between them . i decioded to get out of the middle . isaid ," i think i'll let you get in touch and you guys can decide what your role would be ."
"what do you know already , aln ? i can ell you know stuff . you're dyoing to tell me something ."
i sat down on the first step of a concrete stoop that was directly across the street from a nineteenth century building covered with a cisual caclphony of graffiti . the narrow building - remanants of a pulleey system protruding below an ornate cornice convinced me that it had once  beeen a warehouse - was wallpapered with volunteer art . not one of its surfaces , vertical or horizontal , was spared decoration . graphic things . geometric  things . serene things . obscene things . some of it was ....trash . random trash , angry trash . but some of it was good . captivating .
a sign announcing imminent redevelopment hung over a second story window . the sign had not been painted over .
the adjacent buildings were all graffiti free . it was as though the taggers and the neiborhood propet ownerss had agreed that only the old warehoude would be defaced .
while i appreciated and the artistic panoply . i gave sam an outline of what i'd learned about the grand anyopn thing . about jaana and eric , and about carmel .
\"huh ," he said ,not exactly tipping his hand ."

143 deadtime

. "no ," i didn't . but she called me , i answered and she knows i'm here  , she was in reas ."
" you went to her rcue?"
he said it in a way that made me want to tell him ." it's not like it was like that .
i said ," she wants to know if you're interested in some work ."
the relentless assault of he sun had consumed the tabletop and begun inching up my thighs . my chair was pushed back against the brick wall .if i disdn't stand up , the sun's heat wou7ld soon poach my testicles in scrotal sweat . i stuck a couple of bucks under my glass and conceded my territory .
i began to cross the street because most of the shade was on the other side . sam was silent while i was on the move , apparently considering something .
" you will there ? i lose you ?" i asked . i had completed hlaf my jaywalk , pausing so an off- duty cab could speed by .
" what kind of work  i don't do security ."
security ? that caused me to wonder what sam had been up to during his suspension from the police department ." looking into an old ......case she's interested in . talking to some peole . things you do every day . things you're good at ."
" detective stuff ?"
"i guess ."
" i'm not a PI  ."
"she;s looking for some thing more......informal . that's my sense , anyway ."
"money is kind to tight ," he mused .
sam was convincing himself of something . i offered him an alternative ." i can help with money , sam ."
he ignored me . he asked ." is this for her TV job ? she's looking for a consultant ? like for a story ?"
from his inflection i couldn't tell if sam thought  whether workingas a conultant for a nationl  TV  news producer would be intriguing or ignize .

142 deadtime

. " how the flu -" he sputtered before he said ." come on , how do you think ?"
he didn't want an answer . that 's probably why i gave him one , " i would imagine it was difficult , and painful ."
he laughed ." this is the point when i'm supposed to tell you how much i've missed you , right ? that it's so much fun being buddies with a shrink ?"
"thanks ."
don't mention it ." he gave me a chance to defy him . i didn't . to reward my restraint , he said ." wise ."
"i've missed you sam "
he allowed me a moment to get ready for what he was going to say next ." we need to be careful , aln . there are people in the department who see the convenience of what happened .....on that ranch in frederick . someone could still put the pieces together ."
i didn't plan to argue that point with him . frederick , colorado . was the site of the violent deadth of a  woman who had it in for our families , sam's and mine . her death had not beeen serendipity - it had been preemptive self -defense on our part . mostly sam's . on the way tio that secreet finale , sam and i had created fresh enemies in boulder law enforcement - peope who would take fgreat satisfaction typing us to the woman's deadth , one the medical examiner had , for the present , called a suide .
i said ," we can't pretend we're not friends , am . that loooks suspicious too ."
" we need to be wise ."
"okay ," i said ." merideth called a few days ago . sam . she -"
"you told merideth you're in new york ?" he almost coughed out the words . that's how surprised he was .
sam wasn't much for gossip . but he could recognize the raw materials when they strewn out in front of him . he also knew mwe well enough to know that getting in touch with merideth was so fardown my usual to do list that it would be difficult for someone to spot without bunoculars .

141 deadtime

. so he would fail to notice the coffee shops and red-light distict - i could hget him addicted to rijstte after one or two courses .
i brought him up to speed on my family's going -on , my trip to new yoork to be close to jonas , and the girls' jaut to europe . it took a few minutes . he digested the revelations about lauren 's past in stride . where sexual indiscrerion was concerned  , sam felt he was the blackest pot on the hearth , and he was not about to disparage anyone else's charred kettle .
as we talked , the sun's rays marched relentlessly acrosss the table top . threatening to consume me in their fire .
our conversation was the kind of chat that good friends have . sam and i were conspiring to ignore the rlationship elephant in the room . the elepahnt was the fact that in the wake of an ultimate act of friendship the prious spring , we had been having great difficultacting like friends .
processing relationship dynamics with sam had never been an easy thing for me - he was a reluctant participant in any activity that approached the intentionally introspective . i wasn't about to risk ruining the first few minutes of our only conversation in a long time by insisting that he confront the distance that had infiltrated our friendship .
"you holding up ?" i asked him when an oppartunity appeared to refocus the conversation on him . sam's six-month unpaid suspension was little more than hlaf over . he had failed to notify his police superiors that he had been sexually involved with the victim of a hit-and-run case he had been investigatingf . that the victim was another police office had complicated things for sam considerably . as did the fact that he had a girlfriend at the time .
in rely to my direct question , he maintained that he wa  doing ," good , good ." the second " good " pretty much erased any inclination i might have had to accept the fragile sincerity of the first . i asked how his trip to california to breaak with carmen - the aforemention girlfriend - had gone .

140 deadtime

. " sam ," i said .
"hey ," he said ." sorry i didn't get back tp youi sooner . i've been on the road woth simon ." simon was sam's son .
sam was hoping  i'd endorse the fiction that the reason he hadn't returned my call was bewcause he wasn't able to drive and talk on the phone simultaneously . i granted him the inventiopn . it's what friends do .
" just gfot back from driving him to minnesota." sam held the long 0 sound of the penultimate syllable for two extra beats . one of the two additional beats was residue of northern minnesota heritage , the other was an intentional rxaggeration of his accent for my benefit ." he's going to spend a few weeks out there with all his grandparents and cousins . see some family , do some fishing , canoeing , too ."
 when sam said " canoeing ," it came out ." c'n-oo-in ." the word didn't even resemble a gerund  ." kid needs to get up close and personal with some real ospheres .  not  the wimpy things that show up around here in july and august ."
sam and his ex were both from mineesota =  sam from the far north , the iron range . they knew from lakes and fishing and canoeing - okay , c'n-oo-in - and they knew from mosquitoes masquerading as hummingbirds .
"simon's good , sam ?"
simon was good . his dream to spend the summer at a hockey camp in vancouver that cost mor per month than the sticker price of his father 's first car was one of the casualties of sam's job suspension . the trip north to hang with relatives in minnesota was simon's consolation prize .
sam had no way to know thta i was in new york with jonas . i doublted that he knew about layren's duthch child or that lauren and grace were on a a quixotic adventure to connnect with unlikely extended family in amsterdam .
 in so many ways , amsterdam  was not sam's kind of  city . i did  think that if could drag him through town with binders on -literal blinders ,

139 deadtrime

      twenty-five
.i gave haji the mets tickets and spent a quiet weekened walking the city , visisting neighborhoods that i hadn't visited before . nolita was my new favorite . harlem was a close second - i was having some remorse about not choosing one of the subtle there . the summer exodus of residents from the city had reduced weekened traffic on the city's sidewaalks . i promised myself  i would revisit my new favorites on a day when the streets were teeeming .
although i had left messages bot at his home and on his cell phone , sam purdy didn't return my lastest call until sunday afternoon .
when he finally got back to me - i hadn't been certain he would - i was sitting in the shade outside a coffeehouse in what i thought was the meatpacking district , drink iced chai .the day was hot , but the humidity was tolaerable , at least for the moment . i was guessing i had about ten more minutes before the movement of the sun across the southern arc of the sky would make  a mockery of my shadey spot and compel me to retreat . the other two outdoor tables enjoyed more protected shade than mine did , but the occupants appeared to have ,long -term palns for their real estate .
caller ID read pay phone . the subterfuge of using public phones was a habit thta sam and i developed during our crime spree , one that was apparently dying hard for him . we had started out in our mutual lawbreaking with misdemeanors . the call camouflage was continuing , i suspected , because we had graguated to felonies .

138 deadtime

. i explained about the canceled game at shea .
" that's good , right ?" she asked ." that jonas is comfortable there ? that he wants to be there ?"
"yead . that's good . i still don't trust marty . but i'm liking kim more every time i talk with her ."
a few moments later , seconds after we had ended the call , i realized that i had still not told lauren that i had been in touch  with merideth in new york . i convinced myself that it was because the contact was , in the grand scheme , unimportant , telling her i'd seen my ex would onlu raise the contact to  a level of importance it didn't deserve .
had i been one of my own patients , as a therapist i would have reflected alound that were retionalization an art , that particular effort deserved to be hanging at moMA .

137 deadtime

. " thanks , aln , bye , alan ," jonas said ." "i'll find her ." he yelled ." aunt kim ! . it's lan . i can go !"
for the firstm o nth or so after his mother's deadth , he had stopped calling lauren and me by our names , something he'd been doing since he had learned to talk . i didn't know what it meant that he had started again . it was one of those perplexing questions that one of my patients might ask me during a session . i was supposed to be the expert .
my patients always acted surprised when i said i didn't know .
kim gave me all the etails about the weeken . one ogf her girlfriend's families had a place in the hamptons ." not one of those palces ." she clarified . i assumed she meant it wasn't a palace ." that's where we'll being staying . three families , a houseful of kids .
i liked kim . i'd begun to suspect that i would find her kids likeable too if i got ot know them . but marty ? i thought he would end up being one of those acqiured taste that i never quite acquired . like oysters . or tinned anchovies .
 i called the netherlands . lauren and i had a quiet talk that left me feeling nurtured and hopeful . she gave the phone to grace , who was wonderfully chtty . she told me that they were still waiting to see if they were going to get a chance to meet her sister .she told me all about her visit to the ann frank house . when  her attention began to wane , i askeif she liked holland ." it's the best , i want to live someplace with canals , dady . here 's momy again ."
\lauren sounded tired . i inquired about her health , and learnd she was " okay "
" are you hopeful about seeing ....your daughter ?" i asked after it was clear our health-status duet was done .
"just a second ," she said . i imagined her taking a few steps away from grace to get some privacy ."i don't think her adoptive family is exactly happy we're here . i'm hopeful about things one day , other days  i think they're just waiting for us to get tired of all the eslays and go home . how's jonas ?"

136 deadtime

i had also assured jonas that if it turned out he preferred to stay with his cousins rather than come into the city , that would be fine . i was in new york in case jona wantedd contact . i ncase he needed me . it was up to him decide if he wanted to take advantage of he safety valve i was providing - it wasn't a requirement .
i didn't expect him to cncel our visits . adrienne had once told me that her niece and nephew were
"dweebs" . she'd alloweed at the time - in a moment of familial rationalization - that she didn't consider it the kids ' fault they were dweebs."any dweebness was the nature/nurture responsibility of her dweeby brother , their  father .
jonas and i agreed on a code word he could use if he didn't feel free to tell me the truth about what was going on in white plains . the code wordhe picked was " callie." callie was the name the breeders had given the havanese puppy that jonas 's mother had bought for him before she died . all he had to do to alert me that he was under some kind of pressure from his aunt or uncle was to use her original names , callie , in a conversation .
he didn't mention callie while we talked about his trip to the beach . what he said was ." i really want to go to the shore . they have a boogie board ."
he sounded excited . " sounds great , jonas . should be fun . what beach ?"
" idon't know ."
"is it close ? within driving distance ?"
"i don't know ."
okay ." is kim around ? i want to get some details - wait - jonas ?"
"what ?"
 "jonas , do you know how to swim ?"
he klaughed . it was a deep . belly laugh . music . i could hear his mother 's wit echoing from within him . " i'll race you sometime ," he said .
" you're on ."

135 deadtime

jona and i talk daily while we were in new jork . he would sit on the swing inhis aunt and uncle's backyard and talk with me on his cell phone . i think the regular contact was reassuring to us both .
during a morning conversation the day after i recieved the research file from merideth , he asked if we could cancel our weeked plans . he'd been invited to go the shore with his cousins .
jonas was a hard-core baseball fan . though he was slender like his dad had been , he saw himself as a catcher . it was one of many revelations about him that had begun to pelt me within hours after he began to sleep in our house following his mom's deadth .
what else had i leartned? jonas adored adtronmy and was able to get lost for hours charting the night sky .he was dying to go to a monster -truck show , was curious about drag racing , and liked early eighties music . he was embarrassed about his affection for sponge bob .
his favorite baseball team was the colorado rockies , and to counterbalance the chronic despair that tagged along with that affection , he also had a backup thing for the mets .
i had gone online and scored some pretty good seats  for the saturday mets game at shea .
i almost told jonas i had tickets for a mes game . against  the dreaded  braves , but i didn't tell him . that would have been selfish .
"you're sure ?" i asked , as evenly as i could . prior  to beginning the extended visit with his relatives . i had prepared jonas for thepossiblility that he might get some pressure from his aunt or uncle to minimize or cancel the time that he was scheduled to soend with me in the city .

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he had already been evacuated  when the flash floof hit . at the request of the park servive he spent one additional night at the lodge at the north rim while he was being interviewed about jaana'a disappearance . he checked out of his room at almost the precise time that he thunderstorm was parked over the bright angel creck drainage . he drove back to las vegas in  a mustangf convertible .
the contemporaneous follow up accounts contained no additional information about nick paulson . merideth 's files showed no indication he had been interviewed by the press or by park service  personnel after he returned to las vegas . one of merideth's researchs tried to track down his current whereabouts . the researchers identified three possibilities , based on paulson's age at the time of jaana's disappearce . the aAP news reports had pegged him as twenty-two at the time .
one nicholas paulson was in boise , idoho . he worked as a laborer for an oil comapny , one was literally a rocket scientist - he was employed by NASA  , and  he was living in huntville , alabama . the third was living in las vegas , where  he was employed by a well known resort development firm .

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. the ground searches along the river were halted at the first indications of the approaching thunderstorm . further efforts to local jaana were lomit to helicopter and small airpalne searches of the miles of the colorado triver that were downstream from where  jaan had disappeared .
by the morning of the next day , the third after her disappearance , official recue efforts had ceased . park personalnel had moved into a " recovery " phase .
signs were post and all the registered river-runners on the colorado were alerted to keep an eye out for jaana 'a remains in the rivr , especiallly ijn eddies far downstream .
over  the course of those  three quick days , the search for jaana peet had gone from casual to professional to despairing . the park service issued release on day  four rangers considered it likely that jaana peet had drowned in the river and that her body had been carried downstream either before or during the flash flood . althogh officials planned to remain vigilant  , they couldn't estimate how long it might take to recover her body  , or how far downstream her trmains might have been carrried .
one of the AP  piecies in merideth research file quote a park service ranger with almost twenty years of experience who said her body could be ten to twelve miles farther down the colorado . a grand canyon river guide who had been running the river for a decade said forty or fifty miles wouldn't surprise him .
AP did a short follow-up story three week later , jaana peet remaind missing . the article referenced a statement from the park service promising that personnel would continue to keep an eye out for her remains .
nick paulson spent only one additional night on the canyon floor .he accepted a ride out on a search helicopter about thiry hours . after he had first fllor hit .

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. the spot was about a fifteen minute walk from he campsite , beteen the boat beach and a nearby suspension brige .
the first park service aerial searches began late that afternoon , by helicopter . fixed - wing craft joined the search before dusk .
the forst day , especially during the first few of hours afer dawn , the alarm level about the girl's absence was low . most of the people who were helping to look for jaana expected her to wander back into camp at any moment .
everyone was assuming she had gone off by herself to explore and perhaps had gotten injured . some guesses she'd headed up the north kaibab toward ribbon falls . others thought she was on the river trail on the other side of the colorado . most of the initial anxiety was that she might not have carried enough water with her on her morning hike .
the search coninued without success for a second day .
late the second aftternoon , the grueling heat wave that had beeen smothering northern arizona finally broke .shortly after three  o'clock the hot , still air was supplanted by gusty winds . skies darkened to the sound and to the west . campers on the floor of the anyon heard a series of distant thunderclaps .
 visitors four thousand feet below the rim lacked the vantage to be able to see the approach of storm clouds , but a big , slow-moving thunderstorm had filled the void of the departing high pressure and stalled above the bright angel pahntom creek drainage , rain began falling onto the drainage at te rate of more than an inch every twentu minutes .by shortly after six o'clock , rainwater overhelmed the arroys and natural channels , torrents of runoff poured from the slot canyons into the tributaies of the colorado , and at 6:13 in the evening a ferocious wall of water exploded down bright  angel creek into the colorado river .
the flash floor picked up rocks and debiris at the onfluence of the creek , near pahntom ranch , any hope of finding clues on nearby trails or beach vanished as fast-moving flood jumped the banks of colorado and scoured the intire floor plain between the canyon walls .

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. he identified her as the leader of their expedition .
multiple witness reported the couple's timely arrival at the canyon floor the day of their hike . a small group of people in a nearby campsite said that nick and jaana semed to be pleasant , although nick was depleted from the heat and the hike . he had deveoped bad blisters on one foot . jaana prepared a simple supper at the end of the day . they drank a bottle of wine that she chilled in theriver , ad they quited down for the night about the same time as everyone else in camp did .
the consensus among those who had spent any time with the couple was that jaana was more gregarious and outgoing  than nick . she chatted with everyone she met .
nick initially reported his companion missing to some other capers early the next morning . she wasn't in their camp when he awoke . he walked to the toilets near the river looking for her so that they could begin preparations for their ascent back to the north  rimwhen he didn't find her there  , he backtracked toward phatom ranch where  hee found some other hikers preparing to climb out and explained that she gotten up during the night and when he woke up he discivered that she hadn't returned to camp .
about an hour later a hastily assembled amateur search party began a search of the nearby campsites and cabin , and of the closet accessible beachs and trails . the group found no sign of jaana . over the course of the morning , the searchers gradually extended the perimeter of the target area .
midmorning , the park servece took over . rangers organized additional volunteer searchs that continued throughout the day on the canyon floor .
midafternoon , one of the volunteers discovered  a cheap woven bracelet that nivck thought may have belonged to jaana , friends later confirmed it was hers . the braid was found on a dusty trail about fifty  feet from the banks of th  colorado river at the base of a waist-high boulder that had been rounded by a few eons of river flow .

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the next day , they planned to hike back out to the rim in time for her to make her late hift in the cafeteria .
jaana's day off from her cooking job coincided with the tail end of one of the hotttest weeks ever recorded at the grand canyon . merideth 's research file included nine articlees that focused on the scorching heat that had consumed northrmn arizona during the time just before and after jaana's disappearace . the number articles about jaana's disappearance . the heat wve had proven much more newsworthy than the search for the girl from estonia .
jaana had told friends that she wasn't worried about the heat . she didn't mind it .
people who had knmown jaana on the rim - coworkers all , some also identified themselves as her friends - unanimously reported that she was an experienced hiker , that she had previously completed she was an experienced hiker , that she had previously completedaround ten round trips to the grnad canyon floor , and that she wasn't someone who would be ambushed by the fact that the canyon was hot in august . she was neither an expert in the back - country nor a risk taker - she was inlikely to leav the well-markedd rim-to-floor trails or to venture far off the paths that snaked away from the camping ares nd ran along the river and into the nearby slot cnyons .
a review of grand canyon natinal park guest logs indicated that she had never previusly signed up to take any route to or from the canyon floor other than the most common ones tht leave the visistors' centers - either the bright angel or the orth kaibab  .
everyone interviewed maintained that jaana would not have been unprepared for her hike . she would not have been careless around the river .
upon his =return to the north rim , her companon , nick paulson , told the rangers that he was not an experience hiker and would not have attempted the round trip to the canyon floor had jaana not assured him that he would have no trouble .

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the station had apparently aired some coverage ofthe story at the time of the disappearance . merideth 's staffers had done synopses of the video clips . an updte the missing girl had comsumed the entire single paragraph allotment for arizona news by USA  today on the hird day after her disappearance . must have been aa slow news day in the rest of arizona .
jaana peet had grown up in a middle - class home just outside of tallinn , estonia . her father was a baker . the local estonia paper tracked the events  in the grand canyon for about a week after she vanished . merideth's crew had obtained english translations of the articles . they covred no new ground . one piece describled the search . another described the flash flood and the decision to call off the ground search .
in each piece , the geographt where the local girl had vanished was described as " desolate ."
the nown facts were limited .
jaanaaa peet was a twenty-one-year old cook at the cafeteria in the lodge on the north rim of the grand canyon . she had worked there  just shy of half a year , sice the prevouis february . she had orginally arrived in the united states on a student visa , but hadn't been enrolled in classes anywhere since the fall semeter of the previopus year at the university of nevada , las ve gas , where she had been a commmunication major .
photographs were of a lvely girl with a triangular ga=face and huge , inquiring eyes .
he companion on the hike to the grand canyon floor  was nicholas pauson . in the news accounts , paulson was initially described as a student at UNLV  . later eports listed him as being employed by a las vegas developer . the last report on merideth's file identified him as the stepson of a prominent resort developr .
jaana's coworkers at the lodge reported that her decision to go to grand canyon floor on her day off was an impulsive one . she was excited that nick was visiting her . she told her friends that she and nick would spend only one night in the campground .

127 deadtime

. i considered lying to merideth . but i wasn't eager to raise any suspicion with her that sam and i were avoiding each other , she could be tenacious when she smelled conflict - at least conflict that didn't involved her . i didn't lie . i said ." i was hoping it wouldn't ne necessary to bring him in . i thought i'd try carmel first . i .... i never expected this to get so complicated ."
"it's necssary . okay ? please give him a call ."
"why not hire a private detective , merideth ? a firm ."
" i told you that i want somebody from out of town . somwebody discreet ."
" hire somebody from out of town . i think that anyone who's good will be discreet . that's what they do ."
"i'm hiring somebody from out of town - sam . what's going o with you , alan ? you have a problem with him ?"
"no , i said ." but before i call him , i want to see what you have . whatever is giving you the feeling the girl is dead . nexis-lexis . i don't care ."
she sighed ." that's  it ?" then you'll call sam ?"
i immediately wondered what else i should have asked for . " yes ."
"i'll messenger it over ."
we got to her town car , still stuck in traffic . a cement mixer was parked on one sidee , emptying its load . a double - parked fresh direct truck , steam pouring from its engine , was on the other . i open the back door of the car for her . i said ." i'll walk from here ." as soon as i said it . i realized she hadn't planned to offer me a ride .
she began to climb onto the backseat . one foot inside the car , her hand onthe top of the dorrframe , she turned to me and whispered ." it's not just that i think she's dead .i'm afraid someone killed her ."
i saw fear in her eyes ." the grand canyon girl ?or lisa ?" i said .
" the grand canyon girl ."
"do you know something , meri ?"
it's just feeling ." her eyes welled up ."i miss my baby . is that a meaaenger delivered a large sealed envelop from merideth a few minutes fater three .

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."did you learn something new ?or is it.... just a feeling ?"
"it's jjust a feeling . but don't -"
"assuming you're right " - experience had taight me that conversations went better with merideth when i assumed she was right - " why would what happened back then have anything to do with lisa-"
she said ," eric and lisa were there . that's all i have . that , and a bad feeling . i don't it often , but when i do , i trust it . i got it about us at the end ."
okay ," i said . i would frgrant her the point . the set . even the match , if it meant we didn't have to go back and relive our end .she held her mobile aloft ." my car's on the other side of the block . it's penned in by traffic . walk with me ."
a traffic blockade could last a minute in midtown , or it could last twenty . we walked . i told her avbout my conversation wioth wallace .
she said ," you have to talk with carmel ." her voice composed . she was coming up with an action plan ." convince wallace . or ignore wallace . just talk with her . find out what happpened back then .find out  what's happening now . see what you can lean about that girl . see if she can help me find lisa ."
" i won't speak with her against wallace 's wishes , merideth ."
" then persuade him . you're good at it ."
compliment or accusation ? i wonderred ." i will do what i can ," i said .
did i mean it ? the truth was i wanted to get jonas and fly back to colorado . i was ready to pretend that i had a viable practice , a stable family , and my life hhad a satisfying , slight boring routine .
i want to see the dogs . i wanted to be in spanish hills at dusk to watch the sun shred into gold and red embers that tinted the high clouds above the divide.
"did you call sam purdy for me ?" she asked .
i wanted to sam , too . i missed him .

deadtime

.       twenty-three
merideth phoned me from a restaurant in midtown that was a few blocks from ottavia's apartment . she'd excused herself from a bussiness lunch and was calling me from outside the bathroom .
"meet me in fifteen minutes ? i want to tell you what i'm thinki9ng ."
the tone of the summons felt familiar . i went anyway .
i spotted her on the sidewalk , walked up behind her ." merideth ," i said . id been outdoors for less than ten minutes , had walked only three blocks , i was sweating from pores i never used in colorado , not even during a long summer bike ride .
i thought that even my ears  were sweating .
merideth pirouetted as though she'd known i was there and had been waiting for her cue . she air-kisssed my left cheek ." i think she's dead ," she whipered , declining to bother with a segue .
"lisa ? " i said . oh my god .
"no . god . no . the girl from that camping trip . it has to have something to do with lisa ....leaving ."
i took a half-step back  . i aksed ," do you have a reason to think she's dead ?"
merideth tightened her jaw ." i'm not one of your patients ."
i altered my voice , tryping to find something less compassionate ."yopu're afraid the woman is dead ?"she nodded .

124 deadtime

. buried things that refuse to stay buried ." cassandra and i were  hoping that she's ....recovered . then a week ago she was in tears with her mom about it again . and now ....you want to talk with her .
"whatever happened on that trip was ..... difficult for cara . that girl disappearing ? she just vanished , aln . that was bad enough , but agfter match with her friends ? it was so divisive . cara was a wreck when she got back to LA  . broke up with a boy she'd been serious about . she took a semester off at school . went back into therapy ."
"i'm sorry . i knew thew girl went misssing back r=then , but other than that i'm in the dark about what happened . i will certainly wait to hear back from you before i do anything else ."
"you're sure this isn't about a story , right ? because if it is , the answer is a definite no - i would not want you to talk with cara ."
"merideth is as reluctant to have my any of this go public as you are ."
i appreciate hearing that . and yes - we mostly call her cara . the family does , anyway . in los angeles she's mel . she says carmel is too .....something . provincial ? cassandra and i messed that up . i guess , anyway , i'll give you a call after we talk ."
"i'm in new york with jonas , so call me on my cell . he's vissiting his ....... aunt and uncle .i'm stayping close by in case things go south ."
"got it . your number 's here on cassandra 's list .i;ll be in touch . good luck with jonas , our hearts go out to that kid . anything we can do , you know ....."
"thanks , wallace . one more thing , if you don't mind - who was the other person who brought up the grand canyon with carmel recently ?"
"it was was someone else who was there , in the canyon .  a guy , maybe . it upset cara . he said something to cassandra about a video , i think sorry ."

123 deadime

word like " crimniny " occasionally snuck into walalace's vocabulary . i wonderred if they were relics of his conservative IOWA upbringing . i'd have ask him about it sometime . some other time . i said ," i don't think -"
"merideth is doing a story ?" he had resignation in his voice - the resignation of someone who has just reluctantly accepted the reality of hearing very bad news ." that's why merideth wants to talk with cara ? tell me it's not ...oh , lord in heaven . she does prime time now , doesn't she ?"
wallace did seem to know a little something about the whole grand canyon thing . i tried to ease his mind about merideth 's motives . " wallace , no . no one found the missing girl that i'm aware of .and no , merideth isn't palnning a story . quite the opposite . her interest in speaking with ....cara - is that what you guys call her now ?- and whatever happened at the grnd canyond is a a per sonal thing for merideth . not work . you apparently know much more about it than i do ."
"personal ?"
"merideth is engaged . her fiance was on the same trip . he was part of the group . i don't know he fits in , but i's all become complicated for merideth . she's hoping that carmel can help her track down one  of the othetr people in the group . this is a personal favor for merideth , nothing more ."
i could hear wallace inhale through pursed lips beforre he said , " do you mind waiting a day or to call her ? i should probably discuss this with cassandra first .. she has better instincts about these things than i do . cara 's not as .... strong as she appears sometimes . she has some .....vulnerabilities . this grand canyon episode is one of them . it may end up that we decide to ask you to leave her out of this ."
"wahtever you decide . i don't mean to cause any upset ."
he sighed ." the fallout from tht grand canyon trip ....i thought it was over . healed wounds ? ancient family history ? that was wishedful thinking , i guess  . you know ?" i did know about those thing

122 deadtime

i always knew where he stood ." i'm happy to tell  you why i want tio talk with her , wallace , it's a favor i'm doing for merideth ."
the pause that followed  was poignant ." your ...merideth ?"
"mu...ex-merideth , yes ."
"" if i can be candid , aln , i'm surprosed that merideth remembers any of our kids . she didn't exactlypay a lot of attention to them wen they were young ."
from wallace poteet , that was as pointed as criticism got .
"merideth would probably be the first to admit that now . she's grown up i think . this favor ....is about something that's happened in her life since she left boulder . she's involved with someone who crossed paths with carmel a few years back . they have a mutual friend , apparently .merideth is tryping to get in touch with that person , and hopes that carmel can help[ . that's it ."
 my hpone buzzed in my hand . i pulled it away from my face long enough to discover thta another call was coming . i had no faith in my ability to make call waiting work . i was hopless . i let the calll go .
wallace said ."  i found it . here it is , cara 's number ." he dictated ten digits ."that 's her cell . she doesn't answere  most of the time , but she's pretty good about returning calls in a day or two ."
i as going to leave things there and wait intil i had a chance to connect with carmel . but i said ," thanks . wallace , doo you by chance know anyting about some garnd canyond trip from a few years  back- a trip to the canyon floor that carmel took with friends when she was still at oxy ?"
it sounded as though  wallace dropped the phone . for about two seconds , i actually allowed myself the luxury of considering it a a coincidence , once he had the recieve back near his face m his voice had a breathless quality , the illusion of happenstance  evaporated . he said ," did they find that girl ? is that what this is ? is hse dead ? she is , isn't she ? they found her body . criminy , cara thought something had happened ."

120 deadtime

. i sat on the sofa and stared down 39th street in the direction of hudson . the air conditioning in ottavia's apartment seemed to have two speeds - too low or too high . i like to sleep in cold rooms  ; at night i chose too high . to ward off the maufactureed chill i wrapped myself in the comfortable from ottavia 's bed . it smelled of her .
i continued to like that smell .
new york didn't begimn to get sleepy until after three .
i did the quick time-zone arithmetic and phoned  lauren and grac in the netherlands .
" alan ?" lauren said ." can't sleep ?"
"something like that . woke up , wanted to hear your voice ."
" that's sweet . jonas is okay ?" she was trypign to keep alarm out of her voice .
"fine , good . you know , it's going better with him and his aunt and uncle than we could have hoped .i'm calling him more than he's calling me . i think my being in new york may prove to be unnecessary . his aunt kim is a good person ."
"better safe than sorry ," lauren said .
we were a lot of cliches's and plattitudes with each other , trying our best not to argue . it's hard to queerl with moldy wisdom .
"any progress for you ?" i asked . lauren was  tryping to track down the adoptive parents of the daughter she's given up after getting pregnant while she was doing a year abroad in amsterdam in college . she was hoping to arrange a first-ever meeting with her child , now a teenager .
"it's slow going ," she said ."lots of bureaucracy . may things are easier in the netherlands , but bureaucracy is the same every where . even if i reach her family , hey may refus to let her see her , or she may choose not to meet me . it's hard , the waiting , we're tryping to stay busy . gracie and i are inline at the anne frank  house right now . she is really excited to see it .  we;ve beeen reading the diaties . say hi ?"
 i said ." of course ."gracie was helium for my moods . she and i chatted until the line started moving and it was time for them to buy tickets . she said good-bye to me in dutch .
that's what she told me she said anyway .
i made the first call for merideth around eleven 'clock the next morning . wallce poteet and i spoke a few times a year , so my call wasn't a complete surprise . we spent a few minutes catching up .he asked hoe jonas was doing , and what grace's reaction was to having a new brother . i asked about his three kids .
his eldest , mason , was a funeral director in coral gables . the youngest  , irene , was in her second year at wake forest . carmel , the middle cild , had finished school at occidrental and stayed in california . she was doign set design for a soap .
" i can't believe i have a kid in the bussiness ." wallace said .
"which bussiness ?" i asked ." movies or funerals ?"
he laughed ." either . both ." he said . his tone changed ." you're calling for a reason , aln . what's up ?"
"you're good , wallace ."
"that and a dime ," he said . he waited . a conversation with one shrink always involves some dead time .
"i'd like to talk to carmel . i was hoping you could give me her number in LA ."
"YEAH ? why do you need to talk to my daughter ? wait , wait . let me take my pateral temperature . is this any of my bussiness ? one , two ....nooo, it' not .definitely not . is my daughter a grown-up ? yes , she is . so ....sure . give me a second to find the number . cassandra keeps a list , or at least she used to . as i get older , i 've become addicted to speed dial . cara's five , that 's her lucky number . doesn't do you much good to know that , but ...god , 'm hopeless ." he laughed at himself .
wallace's personal process was rarely disguised , and he was never apologetic about putting it out there . it was one of the things i found so attrative about him as colleague , and a friend .

119 deadtime

. the time i'd looked around for sam . he was gone . he had not come by the house later for the reception .
i missed him .
i didn't know how sam had been managing the suspension he'd received from his superiors . the boss cops knew nothing of the secret he and i shae , they were punishing him for a venial transgression that involved lust , bad judgment , and some secondary sins of omission he'd committed along the way .
after his disciplinary hearing . i'd called sam to see how he was doing . he didn't reurn my call   .money was always tight for sam -boyulder isn't an easy place to live on cop's wages . i didn't know if he had the financial resources to go six months without pay - i  suspected he did not - or whether he'd found another job to carry him through the interim .i wonder too how he felt about breaking up with his longtime girlfriend , carmen . the lust part of his transgression hadbroken the trust between them .i heard he'd flown out to where she lived in orange county , california  , to end it with her shortly after adrienne's funeral .
i'd called him again a week or so after his suspension was handed down to offer him some money .- agift  if  he'd take it , a loan if he wouldn't . once again he hadn't returned my call . i reached out to him one more time , a couple of weeks later , using  a pay phone on broadway only a few blocks from hisnorth boulder home . i knew he was there  when i phoned  ; i'd just driven by his house and watched him reposition a sprinkler on his crappy front lawn .
he'd lost weight . the shorts he was wearing hung on his hip bones in a way that caused me to avert my eyes when i saw he was about to bend over to move the hose .
he didn't answer the phone that time either .
i wasn't able to get back to sleep after merideth called to tell me she'd decided she did indeed want me to talk to carmel poteet . she had also asked me to get in touch with sam .

118 deadtime

    twenty-two
, the man merideth wanted me to enlist as an off the record private investigator  was my closet friend of many years . a boulde police detective named sam purdy . our friendship had started in the months after my amrriage to merideth had ened , so he wasn't part of the divided spoils of the relationship .
that also meant that to get sam's help . merideth needed mine .
one of the many things merideth did not know about my friend ship with sam was that he and oi had a recently minted confidence that was exerting gravity on our relationship in a way that was anything subtle . from the moment that sam shared what happened the night he had confronted a woman who was threatening our children the previous spring , we knew  we were bound tgethetr by he woman 's fate .
our initial instinct was to creat some distance . i stayed away from him to protect him from any stain of associasion  with me . he stayed away from me to protect me from being darkkened by the shadow of what he had done for us .
the ions had their charge , resistance , not attraction .
i hadn't spoken with sam in more than three months . the last time we'd been together had been at adrienne ' graveside service at green mountain in boulder .i'd d been at jonas's side that day . sam had arrived late and hovered at the periphery of the gathering . at the end of the service i gripped one of jonas's hands as he used the other to toss a fistful of colorado clay onto his mother's coffin .by

116 -117deadtime

. it's a lonh shot , alan , i doubt the girl knows anything about lisa . maybe i should just forget it . but it;s all i have ."
" meri , it's late . it's up to you . are you going to rtell me who she is or not ?"
" the girl's name is carmel . like the town . car-mel .....poteet ,"
merideth said . she had no doubt i would remember the family . poteet is one of those surnames that is touch to forget .
i said ," carmel is wallace and cassandra 's middle kid . i haven't seen her in ....well , years ." i had no picture in my head of carmel after age fourteen , or fifteen at the most . i remembered her most clearly as preteen - a small , fun kid who waas about hlaf the size of her older brother . mason .
her father , wallace poteet . ph.D . was among the first wave of psychotherapist to stake a private - practice claim in boulder in the late sixties and begin mining the rich vein that was the town's instiable appetite for mental health service . he was also one of the only sources of referrals i had , beisdes my partner diane estevez . during my first year or so in private practice . it's safe to say were it not for wallace's faith in me ,and the work he sent my way , it was posssible that my practice would not have survived its infancy .
wallace was a mentor , a benefactor , and a friend . i own him .
" i don't know where she is - if she's in LA  OR Colorado or ...do you still see them ? her parents , the poteens ?" merideth said .
"i see wallace at professional meetings , occasionally at paries , cassandara was at the receptiopn , meri . i may have beeen talking with her when you came up to say hello ."
i heard the lilt of recognized spike in merideth's voice . she aid ," oh my god . she was sandi , wasn't she ? not cassandra . i knew i didn't forget that name ."
"she's cassandra now ." i said .
"she's lost quite a bit of weight . has been she ill ?"
" she started runnning . doing marathons . she's trying to qualify for boston ."
"she grew her hair out too . i never knew it was that .... frizzy ," merideth said ." people change ."
i thought she said it with a little wonder in her voice ." i think carmel's still in LA  . would you like me to call wallace ? get in touch with her for you ? yes or no ?"
"let me sleep on it ," she said ."
"sleep sounds good ," i said .
sweet jesus .

The world of 2030: U.S. declines; food, water may be scarce

By Olivier Knox, Yahoo! News

White House Correspondent

• Posts

By Olivier Knox, Yahoo! News | The Ticket – 6 hrs ago

Stephen Swintek/Getty Images

Sorry, everyone, but flying cars don't appear in the "Global Trends 2030: Alternative Worlds" report that the director of national intelligence's office made public on Monday.
Instead, the National Intelligence Council paints the picture of a world in which the U.S. is no longer the unquestionably dominant global player; individuals and small groups may carry out devastating cyber or bioterror attacks; oh, and food and water may be running short in some places.
The 160-page report is a great read for anyone in the business of crafting the script for the next James Bond movie, a treasure trove of potential scenarios for international intrigue, not to mention super-villainy. But the council took pains to say that what it foresees is not set in stone. The goal is to provide policymakers with some idea of what the future holds in order to help them steer the right economic and military courses.
"We do not seek to predict the future—which would be an impossible feat—but instead provide a framework for thinking about possible futures and their implications," the report cautioned.
Other ideas the futurists reported: Global population will reach "somewhere close to 8.3 billion people," and food and water may be running scarce in some areas, especially regions like Africa and the Middle East.
"Climate change will worsen the outlook for the availability of these critical resources," the report said. "Climate change analysis suggests that the severity of existing weather patterns will intensify, with wet areas getting wetter, and dry and arid areas becoming more so."We are not necessarily headed into a world of scarcities, but policymakers and their private sector partners will need to be proactive to avoid such a future."
What about America in 2030? The report predicts that the U.S. "most likely will remain 'first among equals' among the other great powers." But "with the rapid rise of other countries, the 'unipolar moment' is over and Pax Americana—the era of American ascendancy in international politics that began in 1945—is fast winding down."
Also, "Asia will have surpassed North America and Europe combined in terms of global power, based upon GDP [Gross Domestic Product], population size, military spending and technological investment," the report said.
It also suggests that Islamist extremism may be a thing of the past in 2030. But that doesn't mean small groups won't try to wreak havoc.
"With more widespread access to lethal and disruptive technologies, individuals who are experts in such niche areas as cyber systems might sell their services to the highest bidder, including terrorists who would focus less on causing mass casualties and more on creating widespread economic and financial disruptions," said the report.
Four "megatrends" shaping the world were cited: growing individual empowerment; diffusion of power; major shifts in demographics; and rising demand for food, water and energy.
The report also sees the potential for "black swan" shocks to the system. These include: a severe pandemic; faster-than-forecast climate change; the collapse of the European Union; the collapse of China (or its embrace of democracy); and a reformed Iran that abandons its suspected nuclear weapons program. They also include a conflict using nuclear, chemical, or biological weapons, or a large-scale cyber-attack; solar geomagnetic storms that may knock out satellites and the electric grid; or a sudden retreat of the U.S. from global affairs.
So what about the flying cars, a staple of science fiction? The report is mum on that front, but it does raise the intriguing possibility that "self-driving cars could begin to address the worsening congestion in urban areas, reduce roadway accidents, and improve individuals' productivity (by allowing drivers the freedom to work through their commutes)."
And the cool cats over at Wired magazine's "Danger Room" national security blog have underlined how the report sees the growth of other technologies, including "superhumans" potentially roaming the landscape.



...... Thế giới 2030: Hoa Kỳ giảm, thực phẩm, nước có thể khan hiếm.. Olivier Knox, Yahoo! NewsNhà Trắng PV
 Bài viết Olivier Knox, Yahoo! Tin tức |. Tấm vé - 6 giờ trước .........Stephen Swintek / Getty ImagesXin lỗi, tất cả mọi người, nhưng xe hơi bay không xuất hiện trong "Xu hướng toàn cầu 2030: Worlds thay thế" báo cáo rằng các giám đốc văn phòng của tình báo quốc gia được công bố vào hôm thứ Hai.
Thay vào đó, Hội đồng Tình báo Quốc gia vẽ hình ảnh của một thế giới mà trong đó Mỹ không còn nghi ngờ gì nữa thống trị toàn cầu, cá nhân và các nhóm nhỏ có thể thực hiện mạng tàn phá hoặc các cuộc tấn công khủng bố sinh học, oh, thực phẩm và nước có thể được chạy trong một số nơi.
Báo cáo 160-trang là một đọc tuyệt vời cho bất cứ ai trong kinh doanh chế tác kịch bản cho bộ phim Bond James, một kho tàng kịch bản tiềm năng cho âm mưu quốc tế, không đề cập đến siêu tính ty tiện. Tuy nhiên, Hội đồng đã đau đớn nói rằng những gì nó dự đoán không được thiết lập trong đá. Mục đích là để cung cấp cho các nhà hoạch định chính sách với một số ý tưởng về những gì tương lai nắm giữ để giúp họ tránh xa các khóa học kinh tế và quân sự phải.
"Chúng tôi không tìm cách dự đoán tương lai sẽ là một không thể ft-nhưng thay vì cung cấp một khuôn khổ để suy nghĩ về tương lai, và những tác động có thể của mình", báo cáo cảnh báo.
Ý tưởng khác, các nhà tương lai học báo cáo: dân số toàn cầu sẽ đạt tới một nơi nào đó gần 8,3 tỷ người, "và thực phẩm và nước có thể được chạy khan hiếm ở một số khu vực, đặc biệt là các khu vực như Châu Phi và Trung Đông.
"Biến đổi khí hậu sẽ làm trầm trọng thêm triển vọng cho sự sẵn có của các nguồn tài nguyên quan trọng", báo cáo nói. "Biến đổi khí hậu phân tích cho thấy mức độ nghiêm trọng của các mô hình thời tiết hiện tại sẽ tăng cường, với khu vực ẩm ướt nên ẩm ướt hơn, và những vùng khô và khô cằn trở thành nhiều hơn như vậy." Chúng tôi không nhất thiết phải đứng đầu vào một thế giới của sự khan hiếm, nhưng các nhà hoạch định chính sách và các đối tác khu vực tư nhân của họ sẽ cần phải chủ động để tránh một tương lai như vậy. "
Về nước Mỹ vào năm 2030? Bản báo cáo dự đoán rằng Mỹ "rất có thể sẽ giữ nguyên 'đầu tiên trong số các bằng giữa các cường quốc lớn khác." Tuy nhiên, "với sự gia tăng nhanh chóng của các nước khác," đơn cực thời điểm 'và Pax Americana-kỷ nguyên của Mỹ uy trong chính trị quốc tế bắt đầu từ năm 1945 đang nhanh chóng quanh co xuống. "
Ngoài ra, "Châu Á sẽ vượt qua Bắc Mỹ và Châu Âu kết hợp về quyền lực toàn cầu, dựa trên GDP [sản phẩm quốc nội Gross, quy mô dân số, chi tiêu quân sự và đầu tư công nghệ", báo cáo nói.
Nó cũng cho thấy rằng chủ nghĩa cực đoan Hồi giáo có thể là một điều của quá khứ vào năm 2030. Nhưng điều đó không có nghĩa là các nhóm nhỏ sẽ không cố gắng để tàn phá.
"Với khả năng truy cập rộng rãi công nghệ gây chết người và gây rối, cá nhân các chuyên gia trong lĩnh vực này là những người như mạng hệ thống có thể bán dịch vụ của họ cho người trả giá cao nhất, bao gồm cả kẻ khủng bố sẽ tập trung ít gây thương vong hàng loạt và nhiều hơn nữa vào việc tạo ra sự gián đoạn kinh tế lan rộng và tài chính , "báo cáo cho biết.
Bốn "Megatrends" định hình thế giới đã được trích dẫn: phát triển cá nhân trao quyền; khuếch tán của quyền lực, sự thay đổi lớn trong nhân khẩu học và nhu cầu gia tăng đối với nước, thực phẩm và năng lượng.
Bản báo cáo cũng nhìn thấy tiềm năng cho "thiên nga đen" cú sốc cho hệ thống. Chúng bao gồm: một đại dịch nghiêm trọng, nhanh hơn so với dự báo biến đổi khí hậu, sự sụp đổ của Liên minh châu Âu, sự sụp đổ của Trung Quốc (hoặc vòng tay của dân chủ) và một cải cách Iran từ bỏ chương trình vũ khí hạt nhân bị nghi ngờ của nó. Chúng cũng bao gồm một cuộc xung đột bằng cách sử dụng hạt nhân, hóa học, vũ khí sinh học, hoặc một cuộc tấn công mạng quy mô lớn, các cơn bão địa từ năng lượng mặt trời có thể hạ gục vệ tinh và hệ thống lưới điện, hoặc rút lui đột ngột của Hoa Kỳ từ các vấn đề toàn cầu.
Vì vậy, những gì về những chiếc xe bay, một staple của khoa học viễn tưởng? Báo cáo này là mẹ về phía trước đó, nhưng nó nâng cao khả năng hấp dẫn rằng "xe ô tô tự lái xe có thể bắt đầu để giải quyết tắc nghẽn giao thông ngày càng tồi tệ ở khu vực thành thị, giảm tai nạn đường bộ và nâng cao năng suất cá nhân (bằng cách cho phép trình điều khiển sự tự do để làm việc thông qua đi lại của họ). "
Và những con mèo mát mẻ qua tại "Room Danger" của tạp chí Wired blog của an ninh quốc gia đã nhấn mạnh như thế nào báo cáo nhìn thấy sự phát triển của các công nghệ khác, bao gồm cả "superhumans" có khả năng chuyển vùng cảnh quan.