65 deadtime

. my old phone had been a technological  antique , but it met my needs . its primary virtue was it  simplicity . it could do nothing more - or i'd never learned to coax it to do anything more - than make and recieve phone calls . the new phone jonas selected for me could probably  cook a brisket  if i would buy the groceries and hit theright buttons . he promised to teach me all of my new phone's features  the next time we were  together .
to cover myself in the interim i begged him to teach me how to make calls on the device , and maybe even answer them . we sat on a bench on the narrow island in the center of times square while he gave me my first lessons . the kid had the patience of a born teacher . it was a trait he had not inherited from his mother .
the lesson was one of those precious moment with kids that parents don't see coming . i didn't want it to end .
although i was lonesome during the extended periods  that jonas was in white plains , i recognized from my close call with ottavia that i had demons to fight . any shrink will tell  you that the greatest time of danger for  a suicidal patient  is not during the depths of despair . risk is at its peak during the brief window when the patient fiest begins to look a little brighter , i recognized the sighs . i was beginning to feel brighter .
my personal danger had nothing to do with suicide . a different kind of self-destruction was on y mind . i recognized that ottavia represented danger , but convinced myself i could dance around it . companionship , at least not the kind i had fantasized about with my manhattan landlady , was not a solution to what was ailing lauren and me .
as an antidote i discovered to my relief that i was able to suck excess energy from the city like a parasite . in the short trm at least , the incess energy from the city like a parasite  . in the short term at least . the incessant verve of manhattan provided a contact high . i could see a time in the not-too-distant future that i might have to insulate myself from the peripheral mayhem and filter out the background  noise of the city .